The Shit Fairy

backing up sewers, reversing street signs, and stealing everyone’s left shoe

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

WOW i tell so many dad jokes you’d think I actually had a dad growing up

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

As someone who hasn’t drank in over a year and a half (9 months of that were pregnancy so duh) I looooove to say “I need a fuckin drink” at the end of a long day and then crack open a nice zero sugar cream soda Dr Pepper

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

It’s the little things

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I feel like this should be common sense but you should not be allowed to work in a pediatric unit if you don’t have children yourself or if you don’t like kids. Like what are u even doing here

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

So Juliette had a rough day today and was super fussy and it was just a really hard day for the two of us. She finally relaxed a little bit and of course I talk to her like she can understand me so I just told her that I love her always and all ways and that made me sob

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

The hardest line in history is “I’m hot cause I’m fly, you ain’t cause you not” it’s just so to the point

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Having a baby is nothing like I imagined. It’s somehow even better?? I’m the most tired I’ve ever been but I’ve also never been so excited to start each day with her. It’s wild how much this tiny human changed my world

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Sitting on my uncrustable to have it thaw quicker bc I’m starving

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I love you more than the moon and stars

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Being a mom is giving your baby a bath and getting her all dressed and warm for bedtime, she’s all smiles and giggles and then BOOM pukes all over herself and her fresh jammies

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

No one prepares you for when your baby is getting her first two teeth AND you have to stop swaddling her bc she’s trying to roll. I’m not well

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I’m just a 29 year old teen mom wearing a slut shirt

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Uh ohhh, it’s put your baby in a pumpkin season and I finally have a baby soooooo

I’m about to be insufferable

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I have the most perfect baby ever

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I’m not ready to go back to work. Time is flying and all of the sudden I have a little over 4 weeks left of my maternity leave

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Or a bowl cut

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I vow to never give my daughter fuck ass bangs

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Y’all aren’t ready for Juliette’s Halloween costume. I’ll give ya a hint #mr305 #beentheredonethat

[out of context parks and rec @nocontextpawnee]

I hope Amy Poehler is having a good day.

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

Being a parent in this generation is so unserious bc tell me why I just sang my baby to sleep with the “get connected for free” song from that one commercial from 1000 years ago

[The Shit Fairy @londsdelonge]

I looooove telling people my babies name is Juliette because they act like they’ve never heard it before 💅🏻she’s THAT girl