Ben

Tall human, I don't take my own selfies.

[Ben @longmanhumor]

Once you remove being able to virtue signal, it seems protesting loses all of it's appeal.

[Ben @longmanhumor]

#Arsenal #EPL

[Ben @longmanhumor]

Nobody cares what bathroom you use on the Trans Siberian Express. #Christmas

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@chrisjlongman There's only one Longman my son 😉

[Ben @longmanhumor]

I just heard a lady on the radio say she sexes dormice, nobody bats an eyelid. Yet people go crazy when I say flamingos are attractive. 🤷‍♂️

[Ben @longmanhumor]

There is a clear agenda against food involved celebrities. I once got cancelled for saying my daily specials were finger pie and fur burger. I didn't get a chance to mention my coq au vin.

[Ben @longmanhumor]

Is there a dating app for people that never want to have to see each other?

[Ben @longmanhumor]

Imagine if you are indeed a Nigerian Prince. I bet nobody returns your emails

[Ben @longmanhumor]

The fact that @afcbournemouth fans are not singing Dominic Solanke's name to the theme of Dominic the Donkey is one of the greatest tragedies of our time. #BournemouthFC

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@georgehahn @elonmusk Of all of the tweets you could send, you send this. Wow.

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@barstoolsports You simply don't understand. And don't you reward finishing last with a top draft pick? 🤡

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@DwdMallender @GrassrootsSP @BrightfitUK Get a massage person on your team and stretch. Good luck bro

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@premierleague it would be nice if the refs don't book anyone for showing their support to Ukraine over the coming weeks #SupportUkraine

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@andygoldstein05 on Bielsa, to "sort the defense out" he would have sacrifice the attacking game we play. Then we just become another drab promoted side trying to hang on. Look at what he has done with the players we have, he's a genius.

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@XboxSupport Come on guys, my girlfriend is making me watch fifty shades of grey. This is an emergency

[Ben @longmanhumor]

It wasn't just my sandwich fillings that were inbred.

[Ben @longmanhumor]

@Patrick_Bamford with the perfect hat trick. One with his left foot, one with his left foot and one with his left foot. #lufc

[Ben @longmanhumor]

I liked the days when inserting a hyperlink made me feel like a coding genius