LL Uncool Jay :(

Rabies and I go way back

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

I think AmeliaEarhart didn't get lost& die she probably just moved to a quiet island where her mom couldn't ask her why she was still single

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

CONSTITUTION: when it comes to searches & seizures, the home is the 1st among equals

ME: yeah but Shrek 2 is the 1st among sequels

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

if you're going to experiment with drugs please be original. take an expired tamiflu before you get a Brazilian wax. Have fun with it

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

what if who let the dogs out was about feet

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

if your friend is having a hot streak with the dudes I think it's appropriate to tell them their vagina is trending

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

tired of being held captive on a plane while the flight attendant workshops their stand-up material

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

nothing makes me want to fight a British person like the way they say aluminum

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

if 7 kids don’t die at hogwarts each year the teachers get bored

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

“… so that job shouldn’t exist, but it’s mine!” my sister after her first day of work at a French cultural center

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

Waiting patiently for the year that birthday money does not factor significantly into my budget

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

Imagine referring to gwenyth paltrow as a “glee alum” when instead you could call her “plot device (head) in Se7en”

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

@laurenboebert Don’t take your children to drag shows because they will kill the vibe for everyone else

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

I’m not spending this short life turning my meals into a math problem

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

why do people call it the sunken place when they mean LaGuardia

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

when my sister doesn’t answer my calls at 10:30 pm (5:30 am her time)

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

am I crazy or is there no way that this size of tootsie roll has been called “midgees” this whole time

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

instead of being mad about Pete Davidson’s ubiquity, we should celebrate that being ugly-hot is trending. This is our moment, uggos

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

Eight Ways to Tell Your Grandma That Your Christmas Money Needs to Rise with the Rate of Inflation

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

my boyfriend. walking around my mom’s house. looking at pictures of my sisters and I. declaring that none of us look alike. breeding suspicion in my own home. proud of him

[LL Uncool Jay :( @looney_bin]

@Claire_Pat a teen mom, but still her vagina is 6 years too dusty for her co-star Leonardo Di Caprio (47, unmarried)