phantom dirt

One Last Thing and Then I Swear to God I’ll Shut Up About This Forever

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

thinking about how easily an airpods case would slide down my gullet if i were a snake

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

the group chat calling every breakfast republic restaurant in LA county to figure out if a delusional girl we went to college with is actually dating an nfl quarterback

[jon @prasejeebus]

Doctor: you have 9 minutes and 58 seconds to live
Me:

[molly @molllllusk]

raised me. made me the woman I am today.

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

a relationship with one’s antiestablishment building exterminator is something that can be so personal

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

brown recluse hiding under the collar of my dad’s shirt making me strongly reconsider my choice to move back down south

[selome hailu @selomeeeee]

i’m always gonna be making fun of drake. at the same time, i do not recognize the woman i become when Nice For What comes on

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

everytime i send my dad a text i have to consider the possibility that one of his nurses will read and respond to it because he is scrubbed up. this is no way to live.

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

uber driver bumping one direction deep cuts at 9 AM on a monday good morning vietnam

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

have to go into the office 5 days a week during the summer do i have grounds for a lawsuit

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

once again exposed as the prolific homie hopper that i am

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

thinking about the time i got sick as a 13 yr old on vacation with my dad and he did not know what to do with me so he left me at the hotel and came back with a bag of charlotte tillbury makeup

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

@hafizports omw

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

one thing about me is i’m gonna permanently alter the wine preferences of every man i’ve ever slept with and it’s gonna haunt them forever

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

just got shit on by a pigeon on my walk of shame happy saturday y’all

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

only took me 3 days to outsmart the mouse i’ve been cohabitating with

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

i am once again threatening violence towards the 96th street rite aid

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

there is nothing i love more than burying the lead

[trash jones @jzux]

oh you love me? name three diseases i think i have

[phantom dirt @loosegutterrat]

my friend who once threw up a liter of jungle juice on public transport is paying to take me and my roommate to the metropolitan opera so don’t ever say people can’t change