Lord Sugar’s crap jokes

I’m a very funny entrepreneur, I used to make quality computers. Now I’m just rich, have a tv show and like to be called Lord instead of Alan. Proud taxpayer.

[Lord Sugar’s crap jokes @lord_crap]

@raysracingworld 👉🏻👌🏻

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@JimMFelton You clearly missed maths at bloody school, 1 Lord Sugar=100,000 peasants, using these figures statistically I’m still 58% alive and therefore that’s all that counts because I’m bloody rich

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@GuessWh28126024 @Lord_Sugar

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@raysracingworld @Nigel_Farage @BorisJohnson I just a keep regenerating and I think I’m not far from becoming a cyborg anyway

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@raysracingworld @Nigel_Farage @BorisJohnson I bloody am it’s Lord Sugar’s secret stash of moonshine and crackabis

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@MLee_thelefty @AlhpiVFX Science lesson: the camera can see miles into the distance so can see curve in front. The camera isn’t wide angle so it’ll look pretty flat when you look left to right. If the world curves in one direction it isn’t flat or round. It’s a bloody shoehorn

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan Invest in precious metals and don’t put all your eggs in one basket on the stock market! Unless it’s Amstrad

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@sckarr1 @WhiteHouse @realDonaldTrump fAkE nEwS

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan What like bloody Star Wars? Why do we need those?

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@kevinhollinrake Lol

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan Yeah but usually the goose gets fired

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan Lots of it, it helps run my roller

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@MattHancock Well done Hank Mancock, you’re a true bloody hero! Even when it all hasn’t added up, you’ve created a huge covid vacuum of positivity that has sucked up all the covid and negativity, leaving just a bright future for all of us. I call for a mass street party to celebrate victory!

[Lord Sugar’s crap jokes @lord_crap]

@Philbo699 If you tilt your phone to a 35 degree angle, squint to the point your eyes almost shut, and forget everything they taught you at school, it looks like a flat earth that’s been bent into a spherical shape. If this is the case a giant ironing board cover must save us from burning

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan Driverless cars are already here, you’re just not allowed to sleep whilst they’re driving. They are still knocking about somewhere, sometimes you outgrow your heroes and lose contact

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan He drives around the estate in a white Escort Cosworth, loves the directness of the steering apparently. We used to occasionally go on joyrides through Suffolk, the police used to stop us and we’d tell them we were the Saatchi brothers. Good times!

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@raysracingworld @Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan He needs to be able to win though, I want to be able to brag when I go to see Prince Philip at Christmas