Robert Hansen

podcasts: @baltsheviks, @thehatening, @ftbspod bands: @eyeletband, wifekisser, alter, мища

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

@angialvarezzz39 Me

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Baltimore made a huge mistake in allowing artscape to get rescheduled to September. Why would you wait until students and faculty are back to shut down a major thoroughfare that intersects two campuses, let alone daily commuter routes?

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Planet fitness should call their black card a brown card, I use it more to shit while I’m on the road than to actually workout

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

The air is super fucked, but let’s be real, if you e ever smoked a gravity bing out of a soda bottle, this is nothing new

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

I feel like Alex Jones would be super into Warhammer 40k

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

I hate how people pretend to eat in commercials

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

My targeted ads think I’m in Hawaii, so even though I’m firmly located in the mid Atlantic, mentally, I’m on island time baby

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

If you have read receipts in 2023 you’re either 93 years old or completely unhinged

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Used a bunch of hot sauce to try to fix my sinus issues but now I’m suffering from sinus issues and diarrhea

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Smart phones really should come with breathalyzers

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

I feel bad for college kids these days, they will never experience good heroin or cocaine

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Tell your friend you love them

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Playing music is fun as shit until you have to start figuring out time signatures

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

I’m going to celebrate Lenin’s birthday by cyber bullying

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

The last title fight record answered the age old question : what will it sound like when cool skater boys with cuffed pants discover slowdive?

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Explaining what a furry is to retired people has become one of my favorite pastimes

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

Don’t do garden shit until Mother’s Day m

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

It’s wild that I actually have a mortal enemy. They are a meter maid who stakes out the cars at my job.

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

I’ve reached the point in my life where 420 is not only just another day, but I’m not excited to potentially deal with weekend warriors getting way too stoned

[Robert Hansen @lordhoopert]

I think our generation will probably be the last to begrudgingly do stuff for terrible family members