Emily

Professional worrier, amateur biologist.

[Emily @lordofthebeez]

*bottles up my emotions for ten years like a fine wine*

[Emily @lordofthebeez]

@Mastercard so disappointed in the decision to deny a claim for a GC being fraudulently used. My spouse and I received a gift card as a congrats for our new son and it was activated before we ever got the card in the mail and then drained. We were planning to buy diapers, thanks!

[Emily @lordofthebeez]

@politicofolitic @AMAZlNGNATURE This is a right whale, not an orca.

[Emily @lordofthebeez]

@FlyFrontier you’ve now broken two of my friends car seats and you haven’t responded to the first complaint that they submitted. Do better!!!

[🦋 Manson Infowars 💖 ✨ @MansonInfoWars]

Rape allegations really “ruin a man’s life” and yet you can still become president of the United States of America 🇺🇸.

[抱きしめる @F41rygirl]

she’s a 10 but she gets EXTREMELY irritable and hostile when she’s overstimulated

[gill @contactabrother]

no babe i think it’s awesome that ur alarm wakes everyone up ecvept u

[trash jones @jzux]

i’m doing an Irish hello (saying I’ll probably be there but never showing up)

[trash jones @jzux]

i need to burn sage but in my brain

[abby govindan @abbygov]

how do I form meaningful friendships as an adult without enrolling in grad school or joining a cult

[aster 🌼 @themermacorn]

Not to be that guy but these floods probably wouldn’t be happening if we still had our wetlands and if we didn’t cover every square inch of the city with concrete

[Joshin and Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

babe is everything ok? aragorn just kicked the uruk-hai helmet and you didn't even look over to tell me viggo really broke his toes filming that scene

[is that keri? @itiskeri]

rip dracula u would have loved going down a water slide flat on your back arms crossed over your chest

[Kristen Arnett @Kristen_Arnett]

yelling “sing, my angel of music” to the frog loudly croaking outside my window

[trash jones @jzux]

“i’m having second thoughts” ok don’t be greedy some of us haven’t even had firsts yet

[trash jones @jzux]

why would i save for retirement when i can buy knickknacks

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

I’m a recovering pleasure to have in class, which means I’ll still probably do what you want but now I’m not happy about it

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

my bedtime routine is simple. I open a can of seltzer, take one sip and then abandon it before passing out

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

[explaining the plot of my favorite book to my date]
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?