losannelise

LA-based standup and preWGA comedy tv writer with too many last names, depression, and a thirst for attention. an original coors.

[losannelise @losannelise]

After years of paying me far less than I’m worth, I’m excited to announce that my company has finally decided to stop entirely.

[losannelise @losannelise]

@Ticketmaster first come first serve... until you're told there's an error..... can't use this devce.... sign in (i was signed in).... payment screen doesn't load.... time runs out.... i am put to the back of the line. as a main ticket seller shouldn't you have like, working tech?

[Mike "Order My Book" Bridenstine @brido]

New Hunk ep is up!
Featuring
@MarylandMudflap
@baileyenorton
@losannelise
@mccarthyredhead
@CoachKraushaar
& more!

Listen here 👇
https://t.co/MlPOyf8Lne

[losannelise @losannelise]

can i call someone a jabroni in the workplace or are jabronis a protected class

[losannelise @losannelise]

whenever someone mentions the LA zoo I assume it's just a dog who was on a tv show and a possum running a boutique agency from an iphone 5.

[losannelise @losannelise]

my student loans are as forgiven as my sins, baby!
(not at all because they are privately held and i'm not religious)

[losannelise @losannelise]

the fact that it flung ketchup "everywhere" had me in hysterics

[Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich]

ok, "he threw his lunch against the wall" made me laugh out loud. what a fucking baby

[losannelise @losannelise]

"we will adopt your baby"

[losannelise @losannelise]

@SeanHamrin @TheGroveLA sprinkles abortion ATM

[Sean Hamrin @SeanHamrin]

I feel lucky to live in Los Angeles but if billionaire developer Rick Caruso becomes mayor he will find a way to make abortions illegal unless they happen at @TheGroveLA

[losannelise @losannelise]

hard to tell someone you're out in public working.
"that's a blank page."
like i said.

[losannelise @losannelise]

what I really need to produce a wedding is a second AD.

[losannelise @losannelise]

@DayzCanTweet here 4 u

[losannelise @losannelise]

experiencing sofi stadium for the first time and i can't wait to start a city here after the apocalypse. unless the aliens land in it first of course

[losannelise @losannelise]

has anyone ever bothered to examine if listening to ska in your formative years leads to anxiety?

[Elizabeth Blye @MsBlyereads]

It’s a great day when a book you’ve been waiting for is ready! 🎉🤩
#Aftermath by @EmilyBarthIsler is one of the most requested titles in our library & this young man loved hearing about your process on #WRAD22, Emily! Thank you!!! #BooksMatter #AuthorsMatter #ConnectiosMatter

[Kali @Kali_de_Armas]

In the 70s, Marvel let a Mexican publisher put out original Spider-Man comics, and the first thing artist José Luis González Durán did was give Gwen Stacy a ridiculously fat ass. It's amazing what we can accomplish when we, as nations, work together.

[losannelise @losannelise]

@stindavison is this a state farm ad

[losannelise @losannelise]

@henryalexkelly SHE TOLD YOU

[losannelise @losannelise]

@DayzCanTweet such a good show

[Kaitlin Ruiz @Kaitlin_M_Ruiz]

let me be very clear: All Too Well (10 Minute Version) is leagues beyond So We’ll Go No More a Roving. sorry to George, but I don’t know how you can hope to compete with “I kept you like an oath.”