respected professional

I’m glad nobody can see this

[respected professional @lossfollower]

My girlfriend asked me to walk her home from the gym after dark, but I wanted to keep gaming so I reminded her that statistically speaking, I’m the person most likely to kill her

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

Mad Men is A Show of All Time

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

broken subway ad screen creates pitch-perfect poster for “Melania”

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

You are either team ICE or team TikTok hypno Latina and it’s time to pick a side

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

kinda bitch that stands by the charcuterie board sayin “these grapes are SO good”

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

hey team! can we jump on a quick call and decide if we want the government to shoot us one by one in a slow trickle over time while we go to work and order DoorDash or all at once while we shoot back

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

What’s up fam! I’m the guy at your job who only says fam in emails. Circling back to remind you that the next time you visit the doctor they will find a tumor in your colon

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

Quentin Tarantino gently stroking the N word pass he got from one guy in 1995 like Gollum with the ring

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

Come on down to fuckass millennial core dentist! We have Netflix and neon signage and the smell of burning bone and spitting blood from your rotting gums and a magazine called YOLO in the waiting room

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

The downfall of the United States began in earnest when Scooby Doo started doing “this time the monsters were real” storylines

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

Overhearing a white lady say “So here’s why I’m really confused” in a tone that does NOT sound confused and immediately collapsing stiff on the floor like one of those goats

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

✨walking the red carpet at the met gala while a fractal lattice of tumors and teratoma explode from my solar plexus at a terrifying speed, covering the entire island of manhattan in seconds✨

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

We need an obscure untranslatable American word for when you’re late to a work zoom because you accidentally watched CCTV footage of a woman getting sucked into a rotating piece of industrial equipment on your phone

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

Kyle Rittenhouse wife Kirkified booty pic with panties on and one without them on and 3 different pics of boobs any position and a normal pic of pussy from the front and one where it's spread a bit open

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

in chinese voice

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

“The Metamorphosis” but Gregor Samsa has been successfully WFH as a bug for years until one day he wakes up to a mandatory return to office email

[wrongman @vodkasodablood]

idk why it’s just occurring to me now but there’s something very incongruous about a man who looks like this being named Josh

[lana del slay @lanadelslayee]

this is exactly what it feels like approaching a group of customers at the strip club

[respected professional @lossfollower]

I feel like I see a tweet that says “so WHEN did we decide it’s okay to say the R-word???” every day. Every single day someone logs on and is confused and outraged in the exact same way, and no answer or dialogue will stop it. I wish there was a word for this

[respected professional @lossfollower]

I’m sure this has been pointed out before, but in the movie these guys promote a man undergoing some form of hypnotic psychosis to a leadership position and then the entire building burns down

[Rothmus 🏴 @Rothmus]

🎯🎯

[respected professional @lossfollower]

Hard to explain how specifically but everything about this has RFK energy