Holly

Just a lady with an unhealthy interest in the mind and brain. Owner of more books than a human can read. ♥️

[Holly @love__relations]

Would it be fair to say that survivors of sexual assault often carry a wound that makes them hypervigilant to betrayal and boundary violations? A profound breach of trust can shape how safety within relationships are experienced long after the event.

[Holly @love__relations]

Check out hollz_dollz's video! #TikTok https://t.co/ZJq760SQL3

[Holly @love__relations]

Abusive dad, neglectful mother is a combo from hell. Just in case you’re wondering. To live in a world in which you feel so unsafe and hyper vigilant to any perceived threat is so exhausting. Can I please just remain present in what’s now and not carry so much of what was.

[Holly @love__relations]

Wanna see what it looks like to get stuck in a cycle where two individuals reenforce one another’s core wounds?

Early vs 1 year

Wow. Reflecting on that experience and how it really forced me to look deep into a mirror to see why/how I contribute to a pattern.

[Holly @love__relations]

For so long, I would say honesty is one of the most foundational elements to a healthy relationship. Now I understand that its not honest I require, but transparency.

[Holly @love__relations]

Replaced my skin, picking problem with flossing… My dentist has never been happier

[Holly @love__relations]

I also vividly remember asking her why do you stand up to dad when you know you’re not gonna win regardless? Just tell dad what he wants to hear whether you believe it or not.. not for him but for yourself.

[Holly @love__relations]

Like I remember, my dad was upset with my sister and had his hands on her neck until she passed out and he had a cup of milk in a mug, and threw it onto the ceramic tile and it broke. And I remember thinking why he put it in a mug?

Which why was I so desensitized to violence?

[Holly @love__relations]

I didn’t believe my friend when he said he could remember things from when he was four years old. Because my earliest memories are like eighth grade.

[Holly @love__relations]

@NeuroAnaTody Only one of them is an only child! 5/6 have one sibling and its a younger sister close in age for all of them 😅

[Holly @love__relations]

Hold on a damn minute. Every single man I've dated longer than 6 months.. their mothers were/are all single. What. Why.

[Holly @love__relations]

I love hydrangeas, but only in their natural habitat. I hate the look of them in a vase.

[Holly @love__relations]

I've only dated 6 men longer than 6 months.. in my entire life. But that is still weird that none of their mothers are still married or even in a partnership.

[Holly @love__relations]

Buuuuuut since they are now researching gut health and the ties to the immune system and autoimmune diseases...... What if it's something else? 🤔

[Holly @love__relations]

HOLD ON A SECOND. Two years ago (or so) I remember noticing that SO many of our patient's with Multiple Sclerosis would have flare ups after colonoscopies. It was like several back to back to back. I figured eh dehydration, sedation, stress, fatigue were probably factors.

[Holly @love__relations]

But perhaps that's my own bias.

[Holly @love__relations]

And to add another layer, people who remain rigid in this victimhood state are perhaps just wanting to feel seen, heard, and understand. They cling to it because it was always shut down by everyone around them. They just want someone to believe the abuse they endured.

[Holly @love__relations]

To go deeper, think of these children of neglect and abuse. They grow up into adults who probably haven't felt very seen, heard, or understood. Rejecting their victimhood is rejecting a deep part within them.

[Holly @love__relations]

Then one can understand why these chaotic themes continue to play out in their lives. It allows them to take ownership of the present behavior while giving grace to themselves for the maladaptive strategies they learned to survive childhood without falling into a shame spiral.

[Holly @love__relations]

Posing the idea that by recognizing the pain someone has endured and confusing it as them taking on the role as victim with negative connotation is .... interesting.

As they are, in fact, victims of unstable environments.

[Holly @love__relations]

One must be open and capable to face the fact that they were a victim of neglect/abuse by a caregiver who was supposed to unconditionally love and protect them. Recognizing you are a victim is HARD. Accepting that depth of betrayal is hard. But both so necessary for growth.