pat

Just another fat guy from Chicago

[Aiden 🔪🧁 @Glitteryballoon]

Every single friend group I’ve had has gone to shit

[Jagsdrew @jagsdrew]

Florida Gators being removed from the top 10

[Ricky O'Donnell @SBN_Ricky]

White Sox in 2.

[Uncle Benzo (Reborn) @SobrietyField]

My biggest tell in poker is hitting the six seven when being dealt a six / seven

[lily @lil_mermaid]

it's always so funny when people are trying to sell their used couch for $1500 on fb marketplace. a couch on fb marketplace costs $200. they're always like "i paid $4000 for this couch." not my problem man. should have bought it on fb marketplace, where a couch costs $200

[Permanent Underclassman @PermUnderclassM]

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Carrot Top - is in residence at The Luxor. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears. "But doctor..." he says "I am Carrot Top."

[Belisarius @Myleftnutt1]

Coasts clear boys
Back to the yoinky sploinky

[Joe Rogan @joerogan]

@macklemore Come do some porn with me.

[bort @millerIowlife]

They’re Sending My White Ass To Cleveland Ohio.

[Zayntheunusual @Zayntheunusual]

The trauma of abandonment is so cruel because no matter how much I'm with someone amazing, even a beautiful friendship, I can only keep thinking that they're going to get tired of me at any moment, it's like I have to live on alert all the time and can't enjoy anything properly

[Witch @witchwounds]

there should be a Please Disturb Me Please Im So Fucking Lonely PLEASE talk to me PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discord status

[Rishi @Rishibets]

My favorite golf announcerism is "you don't see that very often from scottie" for every one of his million tantrums

[pingu @pingu4ll]

you can’t discuss the ocean with a frog
it only knows the pond

[poopchud88 @poopchud88ffddh]

how it feels to go outside less than 10 minutes after jacking off

[Abyssal Argonaut @divinetrickr]

It costs $200 to go outside, you’re surveilled the entire time and everyone you meet has this post-Covid social autism where talking to them feels like trying to communicate with a robotic alien and there’s a palpable layer of suspicion around everything

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

me and my lizard wife sharing a warm embrace as the waves come crashing down around us

[mary @themorgulblade]

When someone mentions they use ChatGPT I start hearing circus music and immediately check out of the conversation

[ter @seal_farts]

you have really bad abandonment issues you have to work on. however, i will be abandoning you now as well.