LEE PAIN$

I've never been more serious in my life.

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

(14 beers deep at the karaoke bar)

I’m a singer, who’s prolly gonna sing again… bitch don’t kill my vibe, bitch don’t kill my viiibe

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

@K54869261 I heard he never misses 🏀

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

I think it would heal America if they bring Luigi Mangione out at halftime during an NBA game and he drains the half court shot 🏀

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Who else is afraid of the Y2K bug? 🫨😬

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

This concludes (and serves as the only entry in the) Twitter Series bit: Petty Good Tweets

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Yeah, writin down a tweet / that never would come to me / Workin’ on a mystery, goin’ wherever it leads / writin down a tweet

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Gucci down to the crocs

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Papa John’s Misty

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Who am I to disagree?

(End thread)

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Sweet dreams are made of tweets

(A thread)

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

In the club crying (to Owl City’s 2009 hit Fireflies)

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

I don’t like getting all political on here but Mott’s brand fruit flavored snacks are among the worst on the gummy snack market

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

*Walking into my first day at the big marketing firm downtown blasting @Metallica’s Enter Brandman*

😎 🎶
👉🏻👉🏻
👔
👖 🎵
👞👞

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

(Me as Dr. Dre)

🎤🎵 Now you wanna run around talkin bout puns like I ain’t got none… what you think I told em all? 🎶

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Me sitting down without some lumbar support

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

I turned 36 last week, and am reflecting on how aging has caused me to be more and more grateful for the things in my life.

Now that I’m 36, I’m grateful for the lumbar support pillow on my couch

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Interviewer: so do you have any final questions about the job or any other thoughts for us?

Me: JFK is alive and not only that, he lives on a small tropical island as a bartender named John F. Grenadine

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

3.78 seconds after pulling a giant, oversized mariachi guitar out of my pants:

“And YES…. I’m happy to see you”

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

I think Hugh Jackman should change his name to Hugh Jassman but that’s just my opinion

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Guys this was my tinder bio in 2019 and the girl I’m dating to this day accepted my Super Like™️ around this time. Guess I crushed the Claw 🙂

[LEE PAIN$ @lpcarter]

Sometimes you crush the Claw, and sometimes the Claw crushes you