TED

All I do Is Smoke, Drink And Party... Listen Up Bitches... *PARODY*

[TED @ltsTedBro]

I am constantly making the decision between being a good person or being a sarcastic asshole.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

My dream is to get a job where people ask me "You actually get paid to do this?"

[TED @ltsTedBro]

#IronMan3 is out soon!! Who's excited??

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Word order is important. "I fucking love you" and "I love fucking you" could not be more different.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

How to drop hints that you like a guy: Walk up to him and start taking your clothes off. He'll get the idea...

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Got called lazy today, I almost replied...

[TED @ltsTedBro]

I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Quick, have sex with me, I'll explain later.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

I asked God for a Car, But I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a Car and asked for forgiveness.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Lesbians should not be allowed to use dildos. They made their choice. Deal with it...

[TED @ltsTedBro]

I feel bad for everyone who isn't dating me.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

I wonder if Asian guys eat pussy with chopsticks...

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Never be ashamed of your job. If you flip burgers, flip some fucking dope ass burgers.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Bitches be like "Happy one day anniversary baby I LOVE YOU"

[TED @ltsTedBro]

A lot of girls think being sexy will get them married, negative! Being sexy will get you fucked, your personality will get you married.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Did you hear? Lebron James hairline got a back court violation.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it's time to go inside.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you...

[TED @ltsTedBro]

I saw someone tweet "I can't wait until 13/13/13." Let's take a moment and pray for this dumbass.

[TED @ltsTedBro]

Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer brililnat at unscarbmlnig snetneces.