Lucia Cook

Hipster-friendly web expert. Lifelong beer nerd. Wannabe tv evangelist. Travel advocate. Certified social media maven.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

"Selfie" has come to mean any photo of a person. At this rate, it will be the only word in the English language in 2023, meaning everything.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

*takes a puff of an E-Cigarette* yeah, I have all of Skrillex's albums on vinyl.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

Every yo-yo trick should be called "no friends."

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

What was Will Hunting's backup plan if that guy said he didn't particularly care for apples?

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

#WorstChristmasGiftEver Soap On A Rope from Jerry Sandusky

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

If Oscar De La Toya Jackson isn't the best drag queen name ever, I don't know what I'm doing in these heels and boxing gloves anymore.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

I'm so tired, I just typed a tweet into my GPS. It responded with directions to my day job.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

If I had a nickel for every GEICO commercial I've ever seen, I could buy us all car insurance.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

When someone gets playfully thrown into a swimming pool on TV, all I can do is worry if they have their cell phone in their pocket.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

DID YOU KNOW? You can feed a lot of squirrels into those pneumatic tubes at the bank before the teller finds the shut-off switch.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

I spent days, weeks, months, creating the perfect garden gazebo. Meanwhile, my marriage was falling apart

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU?! Seriously? You're 10 years old." "..." "Beer before liquor, never sicker. NEVER. SICKER."

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

Please sign my petition to make Matthew McConaughey the voice for Siri.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

I'll bet the lady on this bus can't fart. She'd never shut up long enough to build the required pressure.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

I'm so lazy, if autocorrect doesn't know the word after 3 letters I put my phone down.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

Always note whether a politician is wearing a lapel pin of a flag, as they are the only way to display patriotism.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

This kitty has really overstayed its welcome. All hello and no goodbye.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

Totally thought I was on the phone with my mom for an hour today. Was Daniel Day Lewis the whole time. Damn he's good.

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

Now a days saving your virginity for someone "special" is like holding a dump to wait for a special toilet

[Lucia Cook @luciacancook]

They should rename "eye drops" to "cheek drops" so I don't feel bad every time I miss.