stupid MRI lady she asked me if I had recent tattoos but didn’t ask if I’ve recently swallowed 500 ball bearings?
Bing bong janice I’m gonna change your life forever
I'm being 100% serious when I tell you my friend's dad was in the hospital and needed a relatively serious surgery and my friend got a text from her mom that said "Your dad is in heaven" by which she meant he was having a great time with the morphine
“When we decline to speak ill of the dead, it’s because we have compassion for the living. In this respect, I am sorry for Kirk’s children. I don’t know if Kirk was a good father, but if he was, that does little to mitigate the damage he did to other people’s children.”