luis igor mendez

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf. http://t.co/PMZknekpbi

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/TF1ZzoTeIb People never point out how awesome Meth is for weight loss.

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/5YCHk09lhi You say you don't eat a lot of fast food but it kinda looks a little like you do.

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/bzVHqRzwj0 In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing.

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines. http://t.co/MBhBQEInQ9

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/2mEmTB1XOg I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman.

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos http://t.co/h0zvL15yMa

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

On a positive note, women with full hour glass figures don't have to wear watches. http://t.co/94VG8U0D

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! http://t.co/TIdggJjD

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/TI2B1iO2 I tried bringing sexy back but the lady at Walmart assured me I didn't get it there.

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/tFqoOj4G Sorry your dad died. Here's a card with a waterfall on it

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

Vodka and I go together like falling down the stairs and getting fucked in my sleep. http://t.co/LMhWVFur

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

If I was a gay dude, I'd be all like "Not tonight, I had Taco Bell for lunch." http://t.co/6Pt87qUo

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

I have absolutely no idea what the phrase "saving room for dessert" means. http://t.co/sH67m2od

[luis igor mendez @luisigorm]

http://t.co/Kwnpe2I8 Dear GPS, Please add an, "avoid ghetto" option. Sincerely, Scared