Luke

[Luke @luke7696]

@DanSorek Me yesterday

[Luke @luke7696]

Attention NYC marathon runners: congratulations on going for a jog. If you came in 28,586th place, which most of you did, please stop acting like you just conquered Mars. You don't need these emergency blankets either, it is 60 degrees and sunny.

[Luke @luke7696]

I would like to officially recognize Times Square as conquered territory of the third world.

[Luke @luke7696]

A bicycle is not a legitimate form of transportation. Bikes are toys. Go play with your toys on the playground, not in the middle of the road. Either get a car or walk like everyone else.

[Luke @luke7696]

One of the funniest things europeans try to dunk on Americans about is how they have to take public transportation everywhere. Like how on earth is that better than having your own car

[Luke @luke7696]

President's Day needs to be moved up a week to the Monday after the super bowl. Not only should working the Monday after the super bowl be illegal, it is also anti-American. Moving President's Day up a week would solve these issues.

[Luke @luke7696]

People who've never worked in client services be like "when do you get off work"

[Luke @luke7696]

Can someone please explain the appeal of extremely spicy food? No, it does not taste good. And no, igniting your mouth on fire for literally no reason is not "fun."

[Luke @luke7696]

TV remotes suck nowadays. Who asked for these flimsy little piece of crap remotes with four tiny buttons? Bring back the giant chunky ones.

[Luke @luke7696]

I'm so sick of that same stupid AI narrator voice on every slop video

[Luke @luke7696]

Every day is just one day closer to WALL-E

[I Hate Apple @iHateApplee]

The 'new' Apple Vision Pro now looks even more stupid 🤣

[Luke @luke7696]

@fruuhhling

[Luke @luke7696]

It's 2025. We have technology that can beam broadband internet into the depths of the jungle from satellites in outer space. Yet somehow, connecting to the printer 6 feet away is still impossible.

[Luke @luke7696]

AI is going to end up being the biggest bust of the century

[Luke @luke7696]

Walk faster.

[Luke @luke7696]

ALL rap "music" produced in the past 10 years is SO AWFUL it is unbearable.

[Luke @luke7696]

Most annoying commercials Power Rankings [May 2025]:

1. Discover
2. PayPal
3. Liberty Mutual
4. Airbnb
5. Burger King

[Luke @luke7696]

@YankFleming Devin L-liams

[Luke @luke7696]

Jelly beans are the ultimate fat guy snack. No serious adult under 300 lbs would ever be seen eating a jelly bean.

[Luke @luke7696]

Why have we, as a society, decided that urinals are only for public bathrooms? What's stopping us from putting them in houses?