Luke Miller

Tewksbury, MA Board of Health Member | Just trying to save the world one sarcastic comment at a time. | Team Blue

[Robert Sterling @RobertMSterling]

My wife is in the middle of a Mexican standoff in the church nursery.

Our two year old got mad and threw a cup of animal crackers on the floor.

My wife refuses to leave until she picks them up. My daughter refuses to clean up until we promise her a cake pop and Bluey at home.

My wife (former Marine) is the most stubborn mom on the planet. My daughter (personality of an ISIS prison guard) will happily scream for hours on end.

I just dropped off a peppermint mocha for my wife. She’s digging in and playing the long game. Our pastor offered to broker a truce, but he left when the toddler hurled an elephant cookie at him, grumbling that our denomination doesn’t pay well enough to deal with situations like this (which is totally fair).

Will keep everyone apprised. If there are any hostage negotiators here with experience defusing toddler meltdowns, please reach out.

[The Figen @TheFigen_]

He wanted to gently make fun of the size of his wife's water bottle. 😂

[Luke Miller @luke_plmiv]

I’d put the bathroom between the kitchen and bedroom

[Luke Miller @luke_plmiv]

@BillAdairDuke bud you’re makin great points on Amanpour…but like ya don’t need 5 copies of ya book right behind ya my guy. Looks a bit 😬 add your other books or some other great novels. It just gives off a bit too much patting yourself on the back

[Aes🇺🇸 @AesPolitics1]

“Yeah it was pretty good, because it was my economy.” -Barack Obama

Fucking legend.

[Luke Miller @luke_plmiv]

@AMAZlNGNATURE @bxfast

[Grant Certiorari @GrantCertiorari]

I was indoctrinated into being a liberal in high school and college.

It happened when I was taught history, the basics of government, and critical thinking.

Really sinister stuff.

[Tim Walz @Tim_Walz]

Pro-tips of the day: 

#1 Clean your air filter 

#2 Know that when somebody writes up a manual like Project 2025, they plan on using it

[Jon Favreau @jonfavs]

Well that was an incredibly enjoyable experience

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

david muir you look so beautiful when you live fact check

[Brian Schatz @brianschatz]

He should smile more

[Bradley Whitford @bradleywhitford]

I have concepts of a plan!

[Adam Parkhomenko @AdamParkhomenko]

holy shit the DNC just played this and millions of Americans are watching

[Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦 @cmclymer]

A little over two weeks ago, a user on Twitter posted a joke claiming, with a knowing wink, that J.D. Vance, the junior senator from Ohio and Trump’s running mate, had been quite intimate with an alluring chesterfield.

(long thread)

[bri 🦉 @annabethdefense]

this looks so beautiful im actually crying s2 you will change lives

[Matt Convente @mattconvente]

Fuck you @elonmusk you scared bitch.

[Simone Biles @Simone_Biles]

I love my black job 🖤

[Luke Miller @luke_plmiv]

@ThisStupidTwink As someone currently learning German this tweet was a treat. Super!