luke stenson

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

saw this article today and thought of this

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

Updated Enemies List (Summer 2025):

- Loud car guys
- Lincoln Park West Elm lady clerk
- Busy street runners/joggers
- Gold Coast Sweetgreen staff
- Jay Leno
- My neighbor Sarah
- The Management at Orso’s Restaurant
- Chicago’s 2nd Ward Alderman Brian Hopkins

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

The crew over at EgoCompany sent me a survey to get a free leaf blower!

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

Hey @Costco - When it was my turn to take a spin with the new Oral B electric toothbrush, your employee working the sample stand only wiped it on her pants after the lady in front of me used it. Not very hygienic if you ask me!

@OralB - Your new electric toothbrush rips!

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

Mission Impossible Producers: Hey, Tom. The CGI has gotten so good in 2025 that we don’t need you to do anything dangerous anymore

Tom Cruise: I would like you to film me jumping out of a plane without a parachute

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

thank you @CitizenApp for keeping me updated!

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

@Instacart

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

@FangTheWang this is clearly a pro-Caitlin tweet

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

The CEO of Alo Yoga wakes up in the middle of the night. I’m hovering over him - face to face. He’s startled but not frightened. It seems like he already knows why I’m there. I whisper in his ear, “why do the Mediums fit like Larges and the Larges fit like XLs?”.

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

Loving the cute emojis for when someone gets assaulted @CitizenApp !

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

@gavinmatts too damn gavin

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

"use a kitchen scale to weigh your letter".....

how about I put a gun to my head

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

women need to spend less time shopping and more time learning how to parallel park damn lmaoooo

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

@StoolMintzy @_willcompton @BussinWTB this is Bryce Campbell who is on the usa national rugby team, have him on @wake_up_mintzy !

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

The white rapper Fort Minor has 3.5 million monthly listeners in 2024. Where are these people?

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

@EddieBarstool @d00gs @d00gs is this the mansion?

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

okay what the hell @Spotify ?

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

put a costco employee in a full nelson because he wouldn’t tell me which products would solve my (many) problems

[luke stenson @luke_stenson]

me: I have a shipping label on my phone to return this item. I would like to print the label, put it on this box, and give it to you to ship.

Fedex employee: Prepare to enter the 9 circles of hell