Luke’s Limericks

I write limericks for fun and rant about Philly sports

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

2 in 1 today

I’ve never had too much to say
‘Til rhyming filled my everyday
And from the start
You’ve had my heart
That’s where these lines shall always stay

Thank you all for going on this journey with me ❤️ It’s been fun✌🏼

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

I am going to tweet a limerick each day until quarantine is over. Allow me to begin:

I crave a sense of belonging
It’s almost rather alarming
Each day I flip seven cars
And wander both near and far
Should I take up pumpkin carving?

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

The Dalai Lama dreamt of me
Requesting presence by decree
I flew to Tibet
So now I’m in debt
Just for a spot on Buddha’s knee

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

The rise and fall of Granda Joe
Is studied everywhere I go
He left a mark
On Grandma’s heart
Until he whacked her with a hoe

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

The only reason you’re alive
Is since your daddy hit the jive
For since that hot day
I can’t stay away
Let’s welcome baby number five

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

Each time you pet my chicken’s head
I swear he thinks he’s getting fed
Please stay away
Or come next May
It’s you who’ll have to make his bed

[Josh Reynolds @JoshReynolds24]

Now that we know Jaylen Brown will officially be #7, let’s do a jersey giveaway! It’s been a minute!

To win:

1) Like & Retweet
2) Follow @JoshReynolds24

Winner selected tomorrow! Good luck!

***IMPORTANT***

Winner will NOT be DM’d from any other account & will NOT be asked to fill out a form. These are scam accounts pretending to be me. I will DM you from my account congratulating you & asking for details.

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

A spicy twist awaits you here
Pull down your pants and wield your spear
A massive blow
Upon your bow
Will surely kick things into gear

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

I can’t accept this dumbass rose
Since there is gunk between your toes
Go take a bath
And do some math
For you and me now equal foes

[MLB Network @MLBNetwork]

Happy 4th of July! ⚾️🇺🇸

REPOST for a chance at this Red, White and Blue-inspired R9 Series @RawlingsSports glove!

Rules: https://t.co/de7g2IS8y5 | NoPurNec, US/18+, Ends 7/8

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

This firecracker’s gonna blow
So clear the floor and let it go
If you don’t move
There’s lots to lose
Perhaps you’ll end up like Van Gogh

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

The darkness cannot stop my cries
From hiding in such deep disguise
From dawn to dusk
I’ve lost your trust
I will not make this compromise

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

Catch a tiger by the toe
If he roars, then slap him so
He might attack
Just hiss right back
It’s life, or death, or miny, moe

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

I’ll love you for the rest of time
Until I speak my final rhyme
Each word’s for you
Within this stew
And babe, you’re looking mighty fine

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

Don’t ever trust a leaky drain
That oozes from your squeaky brain
The electrical force
Won’t show you remorse
You may as well endure the pain

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

A screaming banshee struck a chord
And wound up in the psycho ward
Now every night
When she takes flight
Her music cuts just like a sword

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

I’m several hundred miles away
And won’t arrive for two more days
Don’t wait for me
To spill the tea
I’ll serve it on a golden tray

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

I found my long lost tupperware
Beneath a crevice on the stairs
A few hundred mice
Devoured the rice
Let’s fry their fur and eat ‘em rare

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

Come watch me frolic ‘round your lawn
While looking like a precious fawn
Within two hours
I’ll munch your flowers
I’ve never seen you so turned on!

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

The humming of a jumbo jet
Is just about how good it gets
Inhame the fumes
Await your doom
And fromp around all soaking wet

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

Hellacious counts of medicine
Are sitting in my bedside bin
I’ll try not to splurge
But follow my purge
By downing twenty pints of gin

[Luke’s Limericks @lukeesimons]

It’s such a silly waste of time
To rob yourself of petty crime
Hop on your horse
And set the course
Attack that fierce French frisky mime