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Heavily medicated... still a miserable bitch.

Unapologetic atheist.

Not pretty enough to be popular.

Dogs = Life

[🕳 @lumpy_speedbump]

@mrsfluffyheed @NonHic Niblet, a.k.a: Tapeworm, a.k.a: The Walking Stomach. Luckily she seems to have the metabolism of a hummingbird so she's maintained her 15 pounds quite well for over 10 years now. 🥰🐾💚

[🕳 @lumpy_speedbump]

Life is a terminal illness.

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What a beautiful way to start your day! #Maine #sunrise

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Hey @CurtOlsonwx! We saw a rainbow before the sun was up this morning. Is that rare?
(Taken at 6:15am. Officially, sunrise was 6:16 today.)

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Only 2 punches left for my freebie!!!
#MovieGallery #AlmostThere

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Them: Drive like your kids live here.

Me: My kids would know not to be in the fucking road.
*steps on accelerator*
#NotSorry

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#TedLasso is over, and I feel like I'll never be happy again.

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#TedLasso is done, and I'm sadder than I can express in words. What a remarkably beautiful story.
Very possibly my favorite show of all time. ⚽️💚🇬🇧

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Lack of sexual and physical attention has simultaneously caused regrowth of my hymen and disintegration of my frontal lobe.
I feel like a sociopathic tween.

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Happy birthday to my baby girl, Niblet! She's officially a teenager today!!!
Thanks @McDonalds, she loved her cheeseburger cake!
#dogsoftwitter #dogs #birthdaygirl #McDonalds

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It seems like hypothermia would be quite a peaceful way to die...

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For the record:
Taking one's dog away IS a perfectly good reason to bludgeon somebody into a coma.
#Leatherface #dogs #truth #ThatsWhatYouGet

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Is calling a group of #Black birds a "murder" an example of systemic #racism?

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Every time I see an ad for St Jude:

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Precisely!

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

@MattGlassman312 Given that she is 98, that only further confirms that the US is the oldest and greatest country on earth

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@darth Creepy sleepy mlem pup.

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@nathanwpyle ☕️

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I'm not bipolar.
Just a psychotic bitch.

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@ragnild65 @fesshole

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Thinking about gaining 400 pounds so I can get my own show on TLC.