Todd Lunch

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

My father was a harsh man. A tough disciplinarian. I remember one time he caught me smoking a cigarette. As punishment he locked me in the cupboard, and wouldn't let me out until I'd eaten the entire contents of Knowsley Safari Park. Including the gift shop. He never told me why.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@EricIdle Send him to the electric chair, and throw away the key.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@RequestABet What odds can you give me on Coventry knocking Leeds out of the playoffs? (Semis or Final)

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

I’m on @buymeacoffee. If you like my work, you can buy me a and share your thoughts 🎉☕ https://t.co/m4Pah3PiTr

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@Nigel_Farage You're a pathetic weasel just like your puppeteers. No self respect at all. You're the third biggest loser on the planet.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@DaftLimmy Preaching t the divs, but Patrick fucking Cowley .

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@JamesMoir10 @nancy_sorrell Jim, you won't remember, but my mate once got you to phone me when he saw you in a pub. I have a sketch I think you'd enjoy if you'd like to see it.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@mrkhndy Good point.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@mrkhndy Philtrum?

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@WeahsCousin Man U aren't part of the big six anymore.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@Lady_Jay_Bee3 I see Adam hasn't commented, so please imagine what he said on my behalf. X

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@BravePoaster @Angry_Staffer Folks with psychopathy shouldn't be president once, let alone twice.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@Inevitablewest Send them to prison for a few years, or is 'two tier policing' a good thing now?

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@gunsnrosesgirl3 Why? Nothing will grow by the time they're adults.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@anon_opin You work in retail/a restaurant and all of your staff think you're an idiot.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@NoContextBrits @OGPoutyMcgee Someone sent themselves a WhatsApp.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@paulybengali And the hedges have had their nails done.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

I didn't watch the 'fight' because my Internet couldn't connect. Much like the fighters.

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@AndyBurnhamGM Aren't you an Everton fan?

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@quantick Ou se trouve le lapin ici?

[Todd Lunch @LunchTodd]

@fesshole What's wrong with a puddle, you posh twat.