NotLyftSupport

Fuck You, That's Why.
Definitely NOT Lyft Support
Because Lyft support is a myth.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

Listen to me. The streets ain't saying shit. You're tripping, man. Get in the car, or your lyft driver is gonna just leave you again.

[Lyft @lyft]

Listen. The streets are calling your name. No, really. Get in. Let’s gooooo.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

Get in, assholes, we're gonna get shot.

[Lyft @lyft]

Get in America, we're getting shots. 🎉

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@ScamVibe Look, we all know lyft is a shitty company, but holy crap does vibe raise the bar. We got to step up our game.

[AngryLyftDriver @AngryLyft]

If you're going to be that asshole who blasts music in public for all to hear, you have to at least pay for a subscription that doesn't include commercials. Fuck that noise.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@brittyelaine @lyft If you are in immediate danger, dial 911 to connect with local authorities. If you're not in immediate danger, fuck off. We pay our drivers absolute shit, we can't expect them all to be competent at actually driving.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@pbanks74 @lyft The safety of our community is our top priority and behavior like this is not tolerated. And with that safety in mind, we'd like to remind you of some words of wisdom:

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@BMaier2019 @AskLyft Hell yeah, brother! Get that Lil Sebastian-looking motherfucker on up in there. Fuck it, shove him into a shared ride where he only fits laying across everyone's laps with his hoof in some poor stranger's crotch. Because fuck that stranger and your driver's upholstery.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@lyft @1Thomas_ @chancetherapper But all jokes aside, if you ever feel close to ducking and rolling from a ride, we ask that you please reach out to our unhelpful pieces of shit at @AskLyft or just fucking deal with it. What do you really expect us to do anyway?

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@A_Golfers_Dream @lyft You made a whole 63 cents more on that 10:53 ride, so quit your bitching. We're just a poor tech company, leave us alone.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@honest_lv @lyft

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@mali77tw @lyft We're sorry to hear about this, Ali! For more information on scheduled rides, please see the "We Don't Really Give A Shit about Your Problems" section of our website. We're sure it'll clear things right up!

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@girlnwonderland @lyft @AskLyft Hey there, we're sorry to hear about this experience. You see, we like a bit of mystery and let the destination be a surprise for the driver. Some of our drivers don't share our sense of adventure, and have decided to actually try to make a profit. Those pussies.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@Austin99301633 @AskLyft Oh no! We're sorry to hear this! We can't imagine why a driver would do this! You seem like such a lovely person...

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@MelissaRenner @UberPeteDC @lyft @AskLyft Hi, there! We're happy to review these rides for you. It's probably because we're DEFINITELY paying our drivers more and NOT because our business structure is unsustainable and we have to jack up prices if we're ever going to turn a profit...

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@flychigirl @lyft Yeah, we clearly don't give a shit. Might we suggest you try calling the police?

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@aschleigh @UberPeteDC @AskLyft @lyft Hi there, at this time you are unable to request an only female driver. However, due to our constant disdain for our customers, we would like to request you take your suggestions and shove 'em.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

"iF yOu Don'T liKE iT, fInD A difFErEnt wAy tO gEt aRoUnD."
If you are unhappy with the current arrangement, DM us your details so we can direct you to the nearest dick for you to eat.
Hope this helps!!

[AngryLyftDriver @AngryLyft]

Look, I get it. It's easy to look at someone complaining about a shitty job and just say "if you don't like it, get a real job. No one is forcing you to do it". First off, if things are bad, in ANY situation, people can and should speak up. So trying to silence them is BS. 1/?

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@koliveranttila @PMorici1 @AskLyft We're sorry to hear your experience wasn't the best. DM us the phone number associated with your account so we can look into it. We won't actually do anything to help, but we'll look at your account and stuff. We just like to maintain a facade of customer service.

[NotLyftSupport @LyftNot]

@_egonschiele @AskLyft Hi there, Aditya. If you DM us, we'd be happy to copy and paste the same useless instructions we give every time with this problem. Maybe don't leave your phone in a stranger's car next time?