FLOTUS

brave below the waist

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

venmo me so i can pay for my raya subscription this month

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

ban men from taking selfies

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

if you rock with ET, get the fuck outta here you little freak

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

this is now an ET hate page

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

i do NOT rock with ET

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

long distance summer age gap situationship ended. i am sick to my stomach

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

my recent unibrow was NOT on purpose, thanks for asking

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

your dreams must be in imax with a forehead that big

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

can i have $100,000?

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

no one told me i was rocking a moustache. y’all are fake as fuck

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

i call my avid story likers “my eaters”. i love you all

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

i like poutine but not the french fry part

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

do i include my tweets in my portfolio?

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

fart toot fart fart. that’s me right now

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

wake me up when they call general boarding

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

two delayed flights.
raging uti.
need cigarette.
sos.

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

can i have a big milk, 4 packets of ketchup, and a popsicle near me? it’s tuesday

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

i miss my man. i’m gonna throw up

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

real friends help epilate your bush

[FLOTUS @m1ntjuulp0d]

couldn’t eat dinner cuz she was just slapping my butt cheeks and flipping me off