matt quillen

high functioning idiot

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

Alright y’all, sound off. Who needs to get visited by three ghosts tonight??

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

@areacomedian With a goddamn flamethrower

[Acyn @Acyn]

Reporter: If you could speak directly to Elon Musk, what would you say?

Rep. Jasmine Crockett: Fuck off

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

@tferraro You came back to twitter after more than a year to state the worst take possible?? Kendrick was AMAZING

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

Let @kendricklamar do “Backseat Freestyle” you cowards. #PepsiHalftime #SuperBowl

[Dylan Park-Pettiford @dyllyp]

Everything’s a conspiracy theory when you’re a fucking moron.

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

@areacomedian Way to turn my shit joke wholesome. Seriously though, congrats!

[Alex Cole @acnewsitics]

Maybe it’s just me, but Republicans having two daddies seems kind of woke,

[Richard Hanania @RichardHanania]

I feel like the inability of many people to recognize that Trump lies more than anyone else in politics is a very specific kind of clinical blindness. Like not being able to remember faces or distinguish colors.

[Mason Mennenga @masonmennenga]

breaking news: trump announces mark driscoll as the head of Department of Being a Non-Abusive Pastor

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

“Fuck.”
-my 8yr old daughter when I told her the news this morning

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

This cartoon. 🥺

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

I’ll be honest with you I’m not going to vote for a presidential candidate if I don’t think they could survive being on a trampoline

[The Saurus @TheSaurus831]

Really is a tough call.

On one hand - every Nobel prize winning economist is adamantly stating that Harris has a significantly better economic plan

But on the other hand - the dumbest people I’ve ever interacted with say Trump is a good businessman

Quite the dilemma

[madison @madisonripIey]

the mom in hereditary sawing off her neck:

[Lorena Gonzalez Fletcher @LorenaSGonzalez]

So, immigrants come to this country (with fentanyl & guns to sell) but steal your job demanding to work for less than minimum wage. Then, with all those sub-minimum wages, outbid you on a house. (And may be eat your pets). Got it.

[matt quillen @m_quillen]

Random other parent at school drop off: “Good morning Avie’s dad!!”
Me, an introverted bartender: “hey.”
In my head: *that’s all you’re getting, I’m off the clock*

[Fearghas Kelly @FearghasKelly]

I better go superviral for this...