Spring Chonk

Kinda chonky, kinda in love with myself.

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

She was hesitant but she did it for her fans. (Me)

[trash jones @jzux]

so excited for the second worst month of the year (january) to end. now it’s time for the worst month of the year (february)

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

@amy_may Slide it in a vent. To keep it warm and safe 😌

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

How come feral cats can eat 3 dead bodies and sewer rats and live for 10+ years but my indoor cat eats a single piece of fully cooked chicken and wakes me up to 5 puke piles?

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

Sour Patch Kids making a blue one is probably the best thing that's ever happened to man

[teryn @youngtiddy]

propaganda this propaganda that lemme take a propa ganda at them titties

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

All I'm sayin is I never cried in the bathroom when I didn't work customer service

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

Sorry I was late for work. My cat was actually letting me trim their nails so I really had to take advantage of such an opportunity

[Dara Ó Briain @daraobriain]

Here is my annual reminder that if Santa is bringing a games console, Santa might want to plug it in and turn it on and get all the updates done now, in advance, so that it is all ready to go on the big day.

[sydney @demiurgently]

my ducks? in a row. ordered. disciplined. behaving predictably.
your ducks? scattered. in disarray. waddling aimlessly. desperate for a leader to impose structure.

pathetic.

[charlie @chunkbardey]

you expect me to get work done ?? in these conditions?? in this world?? where my socks feel weird???

[Shitheadsteve @shitheadsteve__]

The DMV employee looking at me after I forgot to bring my 2nd grade report card

[Noor ✭ @Noorthevirgo]

Do you really think a boy who uses discord is gonna make you happy

[Noor ✭ @Noorthevirgo]

Therapists should give you a discount if you make them laugh in session

[jame @kloogans]

me: [opens fridge]

bag of decaying broccoli: pleas-

me: [closes fridge]

[popular loner🚶🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️ @milkyy_tweets]

death doesn’t scare me, but the possibility that i could die on my way home from work, rather than on the way to work (ideal), that terrifies the shit out of me.

[Spring Chonk @macmoman]

When is it acceptable to decorate for fall/Halloween? I must know

[moon princess @sinkingsheyenne]

screaming is so healthy for me