Macy Vardeman

cookies for breakfast

[Jenks Campo @jenkscampo]

#transformationTuesday freshman to senior

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

[In the break room]
Coworker: “Ever since I got married, I don’t go out and drink much. There are just so many better uses of my time, you know?”
Me, with a mouthful of pork chop: “I just got divorced.”

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

Sometimes I leave my house and I just think that’s so admirable

[arabelle sicardi 英梅 @arabellesicardi]

i want more "run errands with me" friends. no i do not want to spend $85 on a dinner to catch up. but i will go to costco and an estate sale with you and then some tacos

[CONSEQUENCE @consequence]

Taylor Hawkins' 16-year-old son, Shane, does his father proud as he sits behind the kit for @FooFighters' performance of "My Hero."

#FooFighters #TaylorHawkinsTribute

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

For reference, here are a couple of Gil’s posts on Nextdoor. He’s single, ladies…

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

I just BOOKED IT into the next room because I thought my dog was crying… turns out, it was just my neighbor, Gilbert, singing “Play That Funky Music” horribly off key with his band in his garage.

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@Carolina_Tweets This isn’t even the first time I thought one of the dogs was dying. There’s always a few moments of panic before I remember, “Oh, it’s Tuesday. Gilbert has band practice at noon.”

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

Today I found out that there are 2 registered sex offenders in neighborhood. And then I found out there are 6 within a 0.25-mile radius of my home. And 12 within a 0.5-mile radius. And a whopping 1,036 within a 5-mile radius. Remind me why rent is $2,005!!!!!

[sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) 🇵🇸🇨🇩🇸🇩 @cottoncandaddy]

my dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@Carolina_Tweets WE HAVEN’T EVEN MADE IT HOME YET YOU BETTER NOT UNDECORATE

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

Hosting the in-laws for Christmas this year. Currently trying to convince my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law that I, in fact, did not make up narwhals, nor did I doctor all of the Google images just to trick them.

[positive mindset guru @tacticaldipshit]

it's super fucked up that you have to learn everything by your second rodeo

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@Eric_Vardeman She’s looking at you with the same look that Ali used to. 🥺

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@Carolina_Tweets I’ve seen a lot of people make assumptions about his parents helping him drop off the grid, based on how relaxed and unbothered they seem about his disappearance… but do we really think a cold blooded murderer was produced in an attentive and loving home?

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@rachelmvardeman Oh yeah? Then what’s LAX?

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

Why did this feel so personal? 🥺

[Nick Jr. @nickjr]

So about that time Steve went off to college… #BluesClues25

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@Carolina_Tweets Yep. She’d be embarrassed about overshooting it, then not want to play anymore. 😂

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

@Eric_Vardeman @BradyVardeman Remember when Mom got the Palm Pilot and we thought it was the peak of technology?

[Macy Vardeman @macyvardeman]

The power is out, and for some reason, several families in my neighborhood took that as a sign to go outside and see who can put on the most impressive fireworks show. I can hear so many people laughing and it’s so effing pure. 🥲