Macy Zartarian

easily distracted by noodles & animals | she/her

[Matt Somerstein @MPSomerstein]

can we get some a.i. to pick plastic out of the ocean or do all the robots need to be screenwriters?

[Shafeeq @Y2SHAF]

why does garlic have to wear so many little jackets

[Lazzyyyyyy @em_Lazzy]

is everyone getting more annoying or am i just getting angrier

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

Like could you imagine being so problematic you get 86’d from your mf dog groomer 😭 couldn’t be me sis

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

I truly thought I had seen the worst of humanity growing up in the restaurant industry, but it is now clear that veterinary care takes the fucking cake

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

@PaigeErin45 Find the gays, the gays always have ketamine

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

@PaigeErin45 You’d straight up be better off buying some at a phish show parking lot and microdosing yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

Me, at 25, re-learning the difference between a romantic love and friendship love bc a man hasn’t been nice to me in years

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

This is a renaissance painting

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

Nvm he said he wasn’t interested lmaoo bye

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

I’m crushing on one of my best friends who is also my coworker during a week where I am unable to go home and spend the holiday with my friends and family if my life doesn’t turn into a Hallmark movie I’ll just simply never leave the house again

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

The fish from 'Spongebob' that always yelled "My leg!" is named Fred

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

Eating at the airport gives me heaaavvyyy middle school cafeteria food vibes

[TIMMY MAC @timmy_mac00]

Crazy how going to a therapist and listening to Dua Lipa literally do the same thing for a person

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

“Fuck around and find out” is the literal entire basis of the scientific method

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

Men are worthless you can’t change my mind

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

The literal only thing that men consistently bring to the table is the sheer fucking audacity

[Macy Zartarian @macyzart]

Children and men are the reasons we can’t have nice things