Mary Magdalene

Still waiting for bae's return. Thinkin' I might have got played.

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yup. That's me. You might be wondering how I got in this situation.

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

#SignsOfABadRoommate
They get you evicted

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

#SignsOfABadRoommate
They always interrupt when you're trying to get some

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

@TheLordHasSpoke "A boy's best friend is his mother." -Norman Bates

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

When you trying to get him to go to third base, but he's taking too long

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

When you hear "He has #Risen!"
So you try to hop on before he goes limp again

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

@TheLordHasSpoke They saw the empty cave and jetted. Some people have no faith

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

Oh shit. He's back https://t.co/e39IPUChwx

[Jesus H Christ! @ThatBloke_Jesus]

Surprise Motherfuckers!

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

#EasterHack Instead of eggs have your kids find colorful rocks
then they can cast them at sinners

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

Yes. Yes he would. https://t.co/kJ5IVCG1iJ

[Legends @LegendsofCH]

New bible, who dis? #WhatWouldMillennialJesusDo

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

damn https://t.co/ULDxPeXwUQ

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

#LiteraryTypos Immediately Judas went to Jesus and said, "Hail, #Rabbit!" and kissed Him. #Matthew 26:49

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

The #rabbit becomes the #rabbi https://t.co/eWTCuz7j6h

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

I take all my meals with flesh and blood.
That's what he would have wanted.
#CannibalsForChrist https://t.co/qXziiJDAhP

[David Leavitt 🎲🎮🧙‍♂️🌈 @DavidLeavitt]

Jesus was the first zombie and everyone who eats his body and drinks his blood are cannibals #goodfriday

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

#FlashbackFriday to when it took 3 cocks before you remembered your man
#PeterProblems

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

#FlashbackFriday to when #GoodFriday was just #HasToBeDoneFriday

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

When you're having a bad day, but it's #GoodFriday

[Mary Magdalene @mad_magdalene]

me: babe come back rn
Him: cant helping dad run the family business
me: but all your favorite shows are returning
Him: