maddie

aint no keys in this doohickey

[maddie @madddiechan]

fuck

[maddie @madddiechan]

this meeting could’ve been a Snapchat

[maddie @madddiechan]

situwasianship

[maddie @madddiechan]

if the polls start leaning red I’m just gonna put on Borat 2 and call it a night

[maddie @madddiechan]

it’s never been so over.

[maddie @madddiechan]

turning nyc into a modern day lysistrata situation. having the women unionize if you will

[maddie @madddiechan]

don’t need to kiss him, need to do the blood boarding trap from saw x with him

[maddie @madddiechan]

eat this cool ranch dorito for it is my body, drink this sugar free blue Gatorade for it is my blood

[maddie @madddiechan]

I am the princess Diana of this insurtech start up

[maddie @madddiechan]

I asked god to give me the strength to not make a turkey sandwich at 9:20pm and he said no

[maddie @madddiechan]

it’s one thing to fumble a bad bitch…. it’s another thing to fumble the court jester

[maddie @madddiechan]

a tuna melt tastes so good when you don’t have btch in your ear saying it’s nasty

[maddie @madddiechan]

@dumb__official The hunger games

[maddie @madddiechan]

@dumb__official get behind me

[Biff @Biffdon]

Eagle carrying an entire adult deer

[maddie @madddiechan]

men who sports bet at dinner should be put down. you have no life force, you wasted your mother’s time.

[maddie @madddiechan]

@youngums @mallorywillett @restpants @dumb__official I’ve seen young eat cooked sprite

[maddie @madddiechan]

@restpants @dumb__official @youngums put some respect on Dunkin this instant

[maddie @madddiechan]

@dumb__official baby mouse your smoke TOO Cantonese

[maddie @madddiechan]

how it feels to have burned your esophagus at hot pot

[maddie @madddiechan]

@netflix I don’t know because your season finale is LATE

[maddie @madddiechan]

finishing thanksgiving dinner looking like a sonny angel