Mike Griffin

how much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Yo having an earthquake happen while giving a test on tectonic plates is wild

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Problem: students keep freaking out when one of them farts

Solution: Say “that was me” every time, and watch them live with it

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

The principal of the school downstairs told me to “rock on” after having a conversation and I feel like the coolest dude alive

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Does anyone know what the word “archery” means?
“Like when you paint a tree?”
I…wait…is what you described ART-TREE?
“Yeah. That’s what you said.”

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

*teaching about chemicals*
“And what does vinegar smell like?!”
Fifth grader-
“BOOOOOOOH-TEEEEEEEEE”

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Part of evolving as a New Yorker is realizing that the unbearable B.O. stank on the subway usually comes from the guy in the golf shirt, not the homeless dude sprawled on the seats

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Eventually you get the parent potluck down to a science; Only put food the kids don’t want on your plate and you can eat as much as you want!

Items on this year’s potluck plate;
A full tray of Tuna surprise

That’s the list

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

New lesson engagement strategy:
1. Cropdust a table group that’s sleepy and not working
2. They start arguing over who farted
3. Threaten to take away recess if they don’t quiet down and work
4. Now they’re all working

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

I’m starting to understand why so many of my high school teachers smoked

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Remembering when I bought ceviche for my New York Explorers field trip group, and one fifth grader decided to eat it messily on the 7 train on the way home

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

*kids have they shirts over their noses; someone farted*
“Everyone calm down. The average human farts 14 times a day!”
5th grader-“WAIT-does that mean we fart in our sleeps?!”

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

And when I asked why he said “Just catching up on my old messages”
FROM 2020 MY GUY? It’s a message about turning in his homework

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

Big shouts out to a 10th grader who just responded to a Google message I sent during LOCKDOWN

[jame @kloogans]

going to public school in florida was awesome. my 3rd grade teacher had us dissect frogs and it wasn't even to teach us anything. he was just like "isn't that fucked up"

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

It’s week three of school how are we already in “panic attacks and 3 C4s a day” territory

[Tig Notaro @TigNotaro]

My friend just got transition lenses in his glasses. Feels like I’m hanging out with a 6th grader that’s really into bugs.

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

What’s your name?
4th grader-“The Professor”
Who calls you that?
“Everyone”
Do y’all really call him that?
Entire class-“YES!”
Why?
“Cause he schools people!”

[Mike Griffin @maddogspeak]

My coteacher had to remind me that this was not an appropriate gif to put on a slide show about making vinegar volcanos