Madeleine

no

[gays0n @g4ys0n]

*whispering near straight guy’s phone so they get targeted ads* hemming, tailoring, hemmed pants, pants that fit, tailor, tailors near me, how to get pants hemmed

[sexual penis @sexual__penis]

Last night I dreamt I was in the Stanford Prison Experiment and the big reveal was that my Mom was in charge… like ok that’s just life

[rosie @snailtattoo]

Girl with a vape at the party: wow everyone here is so nice :)

[Cockus Flightball #QUIZNARYAN 𓅘 @CQCKVS]

Yall sleeping on beds

[valentine @valawakened]

It's been a pleasure miscommunicating with you

[‎ً @labyerenth]

Dark academia AF Comebacks

[Beautiful Normal Woman @SillyBWoman]

Don’t invite me over if you don’t want to talk about the High of your day the Low of your day and One thing you are looking forward to

[Evan Lazarus @elazie_]

Lauren Sanchez stole my mother’s look from my bar mitzvah

[roro, PhD @fuglibetty]

Bro tonight is about to be 27 accidental screenshots of my lockscreen

[John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp]

“wait a second… Heat rises” (it hits me) “heat rises!”

Bank teller on floor: what?

“Heat rises!”

(I rush at the armed robber and he shoots me in the face killing me instantly. It’s unclear what my plan was)

[້ @SEVEREDHELLY]

Spending money instead of blowing my shit clean off

[binnie @binniebunnnies]

an awkward hair length detaches you from your ego and brings you closer to god

[adam struggling uncle @strugglinguncle]

moms text you like “please call ASAP” and then you call and they’re like “hello i am your mom”

[Not Now John @fryspati]

They’re saying the 100 calorie breakfast and then nothing until 1000 calorie dinner is good for you

[🦅 @ilovewikipedia]

can a girl on salary and a man on hourly ever truly love each other?

[fishious @fishquichee]

My five year plan is to see how it goes

[serena shahidi @glamdemon2004]

Prosciutto is so good until it starts tasting like missing people

[🄰yay ꩜ cuddylicious @DE4DRINGERS]

i just called walton goggins wallace gromit by accident

[໊ @wynavira]

the power of a bowl of rice mixed with some fucking bullshit cannot be overstated

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

The beatles purposefully wrote catchy songs to generate interest in their band