Jennifer Madison

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

I just tried to make a call.

On my calculator.

Nobody answered.

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Marketing professor: ALWAYS make sure a display appeals to both men and women, even if it’s, say, fireplace stuff.

Marketing student who takes things way too literally: Gotcha. ALWAYS.

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

When the universe… https://t.co/AyibiOY0uk

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

😩😭 https://t.co/Bf8nmlVO7t

[Hannah Madison @Hannmad]

I’m not crying, you’re crying https://t.co/wtm3HAbBhF

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Watch your hand, Mike. That thing looks hungry...

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Didn’t want to print that homework anyway🙄 https://t.co/Ont0MW13k4

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

I just told someone at their grandmother’s funeral that the stuffed poblano at Red Rock is “to die for” so obviously I’m really good at social interaction

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

My leftover fried rice supports Oklahoma teachers https://t.co/Ke1RCQDfKm

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

When Mother Nature really gets into April Fools Day

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Y’all drunk

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Made my dog a sandwich and she picked out the lettuce.

Still a 95% less picky sandwich eater than my kids.

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

@benrector If you can make a song about hot fudge sundae pop tarts, you can make a song out of those autocorrect lyrics...

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

@Hannmad this is Raz 😂 https://t.co/xE05uK6Es5

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

In need of comfort food ASAP

[Craig Groeschel @craiggroeschel]

No matter how you would describe your story right now, there's good news. Your story is not over.

It's not too late to change the story you'll tell in the future.

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

I just saw an ad for a fitness studio where everyone was working out and smiling, and I wonder if brainwashing is included in the monthly fee or do they charge extra 🤔

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

“I don’t look too bad for forty-ni...WHOA. Never mind.”

Magnifying mirrors are the enemy of vanity.

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Him: I don’t get it. What’s the significance of Pi Day?
Me: You eat pie
Him: That’s not significant
Me: PIE IS ALWAYS SIGNIFICANT

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

Why is this so true? 😂 https://t.co/FXPpIP9oW1

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

If I’m walking my dog and you don’t smile at her as we walk past, I’m going to assume you’re a terrible person.

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

“I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.”

I’M GOING TO THE REFRIGERATOR

[Jennifer Madison @madtwitt]

My Do Not Disturb While Driving text constantly pops up when I’m nowhere near a car. Stupid phone, am I really walking that fast? Clearly my Fitbit isn’t giving me enough credit.