Melissa

Figure it out. ✌🏻

[Melissa @mae_526]

Naomi Campbell has a baby at 53… if I’m still having my period then I’m gonna be pissed.

[Melissa @mae_526]

Have a love/hate relationship with airplane lavatories. Love that I’m peeing 30,000 feet in the air, hate that the space is so small.

[Melissa @mae_526]

Wanna feel real old? lol thanks twitter

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Melissa @mae_526]

How dare someone actually call me on my bullshit. The audacity.

[Melissa @mae_526]

Class act

[Eric Crawford @ericcrawford]

Van Lith: "I don't want to speak about what happened at the end because I don't want to dim down the fact that we played really well. I have all the respect in the world for Texas. No hard feelings. ... At the end of the day I'm going to let it go."

[Louisville Women’s Basketball @LouisvilleWBB]

For the sixth straight tournament...

WE'RE GOING TO THE SWEET 16!!!

#GoCards X #MarchMadness

[Melissa @mae_526]

Country music is the most depressing shit ever. Y’all sure are whiney for some tough good ole boys.

[Melissa @mae_526]

Least favorite thing about March madness- the seniors on the losing teams knowing they’re college career is over 😢😢

[Melissa @mae_526]

When you find a chair the perfect height to crack your back in all the right places 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

[Melissa @mae_526]

Rant: I 100% understand that kids are a lot, most of the time. BUT, belittling someone’s struggles just because they don’t have kids makes you an asshole.

[Melissa @mae_526]

I really love giving people “tf you looking at” stares because 9 times out of 10 they get wide eyed and look away. Boy bye.

[Melissa @mae_526]

I’m at the casino and just got decaf coffee to drink. I’m not 80 years old yet but close 🥴

[Melissa @mae_526]

I added a hippo emoji to my alarm name months ago and it still makes me giggle every morning 🦛

[Melissa @mae_526]

Love that there’s more women in higher level positions. Hate that the bat of an eye and giggle gets me absolutely nowhere with them lol men are so much easier to “charm”

[Melissa @mae_526]

My dad is a real one. If I tell him something and ask him not tell anyone, he doesn’t even tell my mom lol shit’s going to the grave

[Melissa @mae_526]

It’s a @sza on repeat kind of day

[Melissa @mae_526]

Moments stolen taste better…

[Melissa @mae_526]

@BrianneMillerrr That measurement is locked in lol

[Melissa @mae_526]

Things I never knew existed before my job # 756, short tons vs metric tons vs long tons. Can’t we just have one weight measuring system for the world??

[Melissa @mae_526]

One of my biggest pet peeves is walking up to a counter, making eye contact with a worker, and them saying nothing. Real quick way for me to get an attitude.