Big City Baby

unfortunately I am chronically online and also “internet” is my job

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

I’m going to bed before this election is over but if Trump wins and any of you mfs are thinking of making “Trump era hardcore” jokes just please no it wasn’t funny last time either 😭

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

“Baby is easy” says the manchild who obviously isn’t doing his share of umm raising his own child

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

A recruiter contacted ME on LinkedIn on a job this week. I’m not even looking but I agreed to meet to learn more about out the role and she ghosted me two days in a row 😂

[harky @theharkyp]

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

Why do millennials and gen xers always have to comment on videos “I don’t even know who this is!!!” Whenever there’s like a new popular band or pop star. We get it, you’re stuck in 2012. You could just like shut the fuck up for once ya know

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@KaraBoohoo I had a diabetic cat for years until he passed. He managed well with insulin and a raw diet.

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

Me every time because I have a MacBook

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

I have to admit I don’t understand what fantasy football actually is. Like… what kind of fantasy are we talking about here 😳

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@ndjusticeforlol 🫤

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@pretbarenteau If he was a pileated woodpecker that is my fav

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@adara_moreau @pretbarenteau I’m not sure where they hide that olive oil either in store because I also couldn’t find it?? But when I order it on PC express it just shows up. Of all things to cost too much, oil is the most annoying. It’s just an ingredient!

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@ndjusticeforlol It makes me even more upset as a parent now because I am paying for a babysitter to have a nice meal in peace and fucking quiet

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

I am a good mom but not a nice mom, this would have stopped at the first point. You don’t want us to go out? Sorry baby… Too bad see you later lol

[Robert Sterling @RobertMSterling]

I talked my wife into going on a date at a swanky restaurant tonight and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

- Our two-year-old with anger-control issues refused to stay with the babysitter, so we had to take her with us.

- She also demanded that her older sister come with us. So we ended up with two kids, a table full of Magna-Tiles, and zero romantic ambience.

- The toddler stole my wife’s drink and wouldn’t stop screaming when she took it back until we ordered her a “mocktail” as a replacement (when she starts sneaking tequila sunrises at age 17, this will probably be part of the reason why).

- The young couple on a first date at the table next to us is permanently scarred and definitely not having children now.

- The toddler also screamed all the way home because we wouldn’t let her walk next to the visibly high homeless person sitting outside the restaurant door on the way out.

My wife literally told me to just take everyone to Chuck E. Cheese next time. 0/10 experience, I’m never trying to be romantic again until these kids are in college.

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@ndjusticeforlol @heinousblunder 5’11” child threw bread on the floor and kicked me under the table multiple times

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@pretbarenteau A trampstamp so when you bend over he’s greeting you with this cheerful face

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

I’m probably going to live really long, like 95-100 years old but it’s not because I live a healthy lifestyle. I’m going to live that long thanks to pure spite.

[Big City Baby @magic__wanda]

@KaraBoohoo My fav place for everything is the minor illness and injury clinic. Appointments are booked online but sometimes it’s hard to get in same day. Its worth calling though because wait times are never bad and all of the doctors are respectful