When my friend died in high school, she gave me the motivation to overcome my suicidal depression. When my journalist uncle died a few years ago he handed me the spirit of a professional writer (everyone started calling me “the writer of the family” before his funeral service was even planned). When my husband’s grandfather died I could feel myself inherit his drive and the confidence he had in his intellect.
There are tons of gifts the dead give us, but right after their passing, their Self disperses and gets absorbed by those open enough to take them on. We inherit not only their physical possessions but their spirit, sometimes for good, sometimes to our detriment. And when we inherit their pitfalls, the spiritual missions they couldn’t complete, it becomes our job to alchemize them.
Looking after yourself doesn’t look like taking from others, withdrawing from others or using others to fill yourself please. You are not an island, nor are you one dimensional. You can experience life, the people in it fully without having a sacrificial mindset.
A healthy relationship is going to challenge you.
But not in the same way you’ve been challenged by unhealthy relationships.
Instead of the exhaustion from sleepless nights, anxiety ridden mornings, and not feeling good enough, you’ll be challenged to be vulnerable.
You’ll be challenged to not sabotage the relationship.
You’ll be challenged to regulate your emotions and to show up - even when you’re not in the mood.
You’ll be challenged to be a more mature, self-aware person.