Maggie Valle

perfect temperature Totino’s pizza rolls in human form

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

City life - it’s too glamorous

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

@universityofky Ok so expel her

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Is it too early to decorate for Halloween? I’m just wondering because Shut Up and No It’s Not

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Whenever I’m stressed out I sing “everybody crap your pants” instead of clap your hands. I sing it every day…

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

I’m so low on clean underwear I have spanx on under my jorts. 2022 chastity belt realness

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Everyone: “stress is bad for you”
Also Everyone: *is stressful*

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Got called “Eric” on a work email today. Derivative yet still appreciated.

[Cheap Laughs @cheaplaughs2020]

Get out and laugh off the lockdown at Cheap Laughs comeback shows featuring @thistallawkgirl @kathe_farris @JimmyJamesTweet @fuckdaveytrout @pg13gillespie @maggsconqueso and Casey McNeal.

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Come see me July 22nd!

[Cheap Laughs @cheaplaughs2020]

Get out and laugh off the lockdown at Cheap Laughs comeback shows featuring @thistallawkgirl @kathe_farris @JimmyJamesTweet @fuckdaveytrout @pg13gillespie @maggsconqueso and Casey McNeal.

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

We Stan

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

I just drained a wound with my mom on FaceTime. Happy Mother’s Day to all the women out there who answer the phone for this kinda shit

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

I’m trying this new diet where I only fantasize about going to Chick Fil A on Sunday’s

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

The first time you hear Chris Cuomo say ReTrumplicans

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Betsy DeVos will not even be employable by the kind of crap McDonald’s that doesn’t carry the McRib

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

If you think quitting NOW will absolve you, you have a huge reality check coming

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Yes I’m only a bill, sitting here on Capitol Hill, and holy fuck what are all these racists doing here?!

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

I practice polyamory by mixing different take-out leftovers

[Don Winslow @donwinslow]

Turn the sound up.

What a complete F moron.

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

0/10 not a story I can get behind

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

I’m sorry, but Justin Timberlake was not hot in Trolls

[Maggie Valle @magsconqueso]

Quarantine mood: I don’t think I like this show, let me just try the first 8 seasons