ıɐɯ

STOP twittering your thumbs!

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

why do i always want what i don’t want to want and not want what i want to

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

am and pm, after midnight and… pefore midnight

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

found these from when my mom dressed si up as a block of cheese for halloween

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

i met santa today and he told me he was a real estate agent and never asked me what i wanted for christmas

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

let’s all jusssss be chill in the hottest way possible

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

don’t say ur gonna ride a cowboy and not ride a cowboy. these horse activist wannabes drive me nuts

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

i used to think waitressing was wearing roller skates and balancing plates on ur head but it’s literally just begging for money

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

i would pay any amount of money for a jack daniels bucket hat, i would

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

@sarahschauer pierce/pearce, whoever the guy is bet that was his name

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

whenever people ask me how i began my health journey, i tell them it started with an e-mail that changed my life forever

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

everyone keeps talking about these “vibrations” and such and i’m assuming if i can’t feel them they must be “low”, yes?

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

this pumpkin was spared and left uncarved back in october and has struggled to find his purpose in the world since then. his family is long-rotten, the next gen is still on the vine. for now he’s sitting it out in the laundry room, trying to make friends but feels out of place

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

uhhhhhm so what we got here ma’am is a hole in your bank account, that’s where the money’s goin, don’t worry it ain’t ur fault, we’re gonna patch it up, we’re gonna find who poked this hole, and we’re gonna refill this empty son of a gun. how’s that sound?

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

nobody remembers it but in our universe i am spider-man

[Greg @OUhoopsFanGreg]

Betty White not making it to 100 is the biggest fuck you from the simulation I’ve seen in my lifetime.

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

si thinks it’s december 15th

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

some of those assorted chocolates that came in the gift basket ur family got were ones people didn’t like and threw out last year melted down and recycled into the new batch that’s why they taste a little off

[Rachel @femaleredhead]

just wait til you meet the big drummer boy

[trash jones @jzux]

the concept of a “power nap” is so funny to me. we’re so stressed out as a society that we have to be like “this nap isn’t rest it’s a weapon”

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

just found out my grandpa has a stories feature. if you press down on his forehead real hard he starts seeing crazy shit

[ıɐɯ @maipebble]

penguins aren’t from the north pole they are from antarctica, which is the opposite of the north pole, and have no business skating around on all our holiday cards, wrapping paper and other merchandise, but they do and this is why polar bears are endangered