Loen Onsrud

I'm a mom living in a world of half finished projects...

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Please design a plan to allow Mcmuffins and burritos to stop tasting like maple syrup. If I wanted syrup, I would order hotcakes. 😩 @McDonalds

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

If you're a human with dentures and get bit by a vampire, do your fangs grow back? ... or do you just get to starve?

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Just saying... video game soundtrack music at work would make me much more productive. Boss fight rhythm would get it done, not this lackadaisical stuff I now mildly panic when I hear it outside of my work environment.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Internet pet peeve #8046.

Clicking on a recipe page that says 'easy 3 ingredient' recipe...

Then the recipe has 17 ingredients.

Obviously my math skills are the problem.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Remembering that time one of my coworkers told me they couldn't climb up a six foot ladder to get a box of product because they had a cold and the altitude difference would make them passout.

[Robert Reich @RBReich]

So they’re “essential workers” during the worst of the pandemic, but “low-skilled workers” when they ask for a raise? Am I getting that right?

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

When the employee that causes the most drama but, does the least amount of actual work, finally puts in their notice. *happy dance*

Uh... not me. I still have to continue coming to work.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

My hotel doesn't have a channel guide, and streaming services have completely ruined my patience for channel surfing.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Why is gauging how much laundry detergent you need for a family of five so hard? I have a once per month delivery and sometimes I have so much left over I could skip a month and other times I need to go buy some and it's only been a damn week.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Being someone that doesn't run... not from zombies... not after ice cream trucks... I'm pretty proud of myself right now. Who knew #RingFitAdventure would be so much fun?! Also, I was unaware that elbows could sweat, lulz

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

@nubbets Pubic hair doesn't count lol

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

When singing the Alphabet Song in my head, I automatically use a little kid voice. Anyone else? No? Just me? Well then, nevermind.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

@AngryGameRtBGrl My vote is for a hammer. It won't speed it up but, should make you feel better.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

@nubbets It's a cat. That's it's problem.

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Perfection is nothing more than a figment of our imagination. A mirage than can never be reached. #iammyownworstenemy #mentalhealth

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Fuck! Imagine a titty fuck with all that glitter! I would get all up in your business and would, no doubt, burn like a fucker to pee. Eep!

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

Ramen is basically the same thing as electrolytes, right?

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

@Horrorreview666 @elder_island totally love when auto correct makes me look like I am struggle bus :/

[Loen Onsrud @majorbleepbleep]

@Horrorreview666 @elder_island the name sounds like an old folks nudist camp movie. You're review better be better than the title!