Arospec Guy

30 years old but my curse is that I look like puberty left me half done • (redacted) coded

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

My biggest curiosity about Ilya is not anything deep it's simply whether he listens to other Latino artists besides Bad Bunny and if he has as much beef with Selena's murderer as any Mexican does

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

Now I'm thinking of a scenario where the Metros (who are genuine Ilya haters instead of just deeming him a menace) keep trying to complain to other players about how "Rozanov is the worst," only to be hit with "actually he's not so bad, [insert funny anecdote here]" every time 😂

[neg. @youallalongphan]

that's why i don't really get how in some fics ilya is portrayed as someone who's hated by the general public bc it just misses the point of his character completely?? he's a menace but he's intensely charismatic. he's an asshole but he's adored. he's a person you just can't hate

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

If I ever wrote this I'd title it "I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me" or something like that

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

Shane sees how riled up Hayden gets from Ilya chirping him and goes 🤨 and proceeds to stake his claim on Ilya in front of an increasingly confused and disturbed Hayden. He finally fesses up to what he's doing and why and Hayden reassures him that Ilya really is just annoying.

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

My super low stakes hc is that while Hayden has a crush on Shane, he also has a boner for Ilya. He is oblivious to both these things.

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

And then that night Hayden has an intense wet dream about Ilya and when he wakes up he's so close to cumming that just a shift of his legs has him orgasming. He is mortified and will be taking this to his grave and even beyond

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

@fookintentacle SILENCE

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

One thing about me is that I will always be thinking up Psych AUs

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

AU where Ilya's dad dies during the Landry era and the combo of funeral + cutting off his brother + seeing more pics of Rose and Shane imbues Ilya with recklessness. He happens upon a tweet calling David Hollander a dilf and impulsively retweets and that's how he comes out as bi

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

@onyxnight1989 @hibrowhollanov He is Chandler Bing saying, "they can say you're high maintenance but that's ok because I like maintaining you"

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

Wyatt Hayes is like the Memo Ochoa of hockey to me

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

@smolSyrupaddict Quite a few but no bingo. The ADHD is ??? because I don't know for sure but there are signs (also I like *some* Japanese food but ultimately decided I couldn't check it off because it's not *most* of it)

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

In mourning over Mexico's loss someone pls distract me with beautiful jealous freak Shane hc's

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

It's me who is going home crying

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

Ilya voice England goes home crying please please!

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

@snoopyilya https://t.co/6elopKzdnf

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

But obviously this will never happen and he's still stewing about Ilya having good sexual AND non-sexual memories of Sasha so a few nights later he decides he wants to do sexy roleplay where Sasha is Ilya's boyfriend/fiance/husband and Shane gets to convince Ilya to cheat on him

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

My super low stakes hc is that while Hayden has a crush on Shane, he also has a boner for Ilya. He is oblivious to both these things.

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

and Shane is annoyed that Ilya is just naturally good at this, irritated that he'll never get to play professionally against or with Ilya, and of course, extremely horny about it.

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

AU where only Shane is a hockey player and he starts dating Ilya (what his career is is not important, just know he's well respected in his field). Shane takes Ilya to the hockey rink to show him how to play hockey just for fun cuz he wants to share that happiness with Ilya.

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

Ilya's never played hockey but he does know how to ice skate so at least he won't fall. It's just supposed to be a cute little date but then. It quickly becomes clear that Ilya is a natural. Obviously not professional quality but the raw talent is there

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

@fookintentacle Like what is he gonna do? Lie?? About one of the hottest experiences of his life??? One of his proudest moments???? I think the fuck not

[Arospec Guy @makes_sense_2me]

@fookintentacle Ilya forbids Cliff from making a speech at the wedding because he knows Cliff is gonna mention it. Cliff agrees but everyone in attendance knows about The Threesome by the end of the night anyway.