makaroni

chain-smoking at my local bingo hall

[cassidy xcx @olsencassidy]

I literally cannot see that monkey get hurt by another adult monkey while clutching his little stuffed toy I am going to kill jyself

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

if yall want to watch a 27 year old fight a 58 year old man so badly just put me in the same room with my father

[🥋 @DojoWarVeteran]

if the eunuchs started whispering amongst each other after i offered my wise counsel to the emperor i would kill myself

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

oh, we’re just gonna “play it by ear?” [starts sweating] we aren’t making a reservation? [gnawing at fingernails] oh, we don’t even have a restaurant picked out? or a general time? we’re just gonna “see what the vibe is” day of? [begins bashing head into wall] no, im chill :)

[jimmy falun gong @eviIcherub]

i dont think an nda would work on me. like im at least telling my roommate and the girls idgaf

[weird girl @groovy_judy]

Youre in his dms im fucking up the youtube algorithm on his tv.

[ٰ @moralgrey]

the true essence of the enemies to lovers trope:

[b @buhlebathabile]

Your man has been analysing the diss tracks all week. He knew what you meant with that text.

[clare @sadderlizards]

i think i’ll find the cure for depression in the knick knack section of a thrift store

[reb @rebmasel]

me flirting: I dabble in a bit of looney toonery myself

[rayne fisher-quann @raynefq]

some of my best friends are women in unstable places from my wild recent past

[jackson @squashedlikebug]

sorry i cant make it that Day! i fell down a well and i Really doubt i’ll be out by then

[gbae⋆lola @gbennylola]

you imbecilic monsters took megan thee stallion away frm me and i genuinely will hate you all for it

[dizzy @rundizzy]

u perceive ur mother with that worldview ?

[helena riley @freshhel]

U really can’t let a girl like me into the craft store with a credit card

[clay ⛷️ @hanfjob]

im kinda like if a teenager was 25

[makaroni @maksplaining]

i fumbled a bad bitch ,,, i dont see how men be doin this all the time

[makaroni @maksplaining]

god put me on this earth to drink diet coke and buy pretty things expecting anything else is going against gods will

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

New Taylor Swift and Arctic Monkeys. A very important night for women and their ex boyfriends.

[FUCKJIGGYJAYY2 @jiggyjayy2]

If i tweet his name again, it will be nothing short of harassment. So i wont speak