malackey (working in my jammies)

Brilliant, just unmotivated. Oracle of Overflow. Chaotic Neutral. I am the Fee Yeti. I like small dogs, queso, and @spiffmana.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

I mean, I understand wanting to taze a disappointing lover, but one doesn't just do that.

[SixBrownChicks @SixBrownChicks]

Q2. After 3 years of marriage my husband suffered erectile dysfunction. I researched shockwave therapy; it was too expensive, so I used a low voltage taser on him while he slept. It went badly. He moved out, filed a restraining order. I want to save our marriage. Help. #SBCCHAT

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@ReichlinMelnick It's penguins. You're tariffing penguins.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

When @amazonca just drops your order in a random stairwell, instead of bringing it to your door.

What's the over/under on me finding this BEFORE it gets stolen?

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

I'd like to add that I haven't heard a peep back from @NDP or @liberal_party , either on social media, or at the emails sent directly to party offices and members of parliament. Glad to see you're all taking this seriously.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@ask_aubry "Sorry darling I didn't do the laundry or make your chicken nuggies, I was too busy PLOTTING YOUR UNTIMELY DEMISE."

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

Ok, @orangecassidy , I'm trusting you to take good care of my girlie, while she's travelling to Edmonton.

(It's the shirt I've been sleeping in this week, so Coco doesn't miss me too much before I see her again on Wednesday).

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@ask_aubry People that think the agents surveilling them also have a wifi network called 'FBI surveillance van' are the same dunces that think the person they're buying illicit substances/services from has to 'tell you they're a cop if you ask them if they're a cop'.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@IanFortey Kevin. Kevins are forever fucked.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

Oh neat, @FoldableHuman is tweeting about wrestling.

*Remembers what @FoldableHuman did to crypto and NFTs, and AVGN

OH GOD, @FoldableHuman IS TWEETING ABOUT WRESTLING

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

I was going to helpfully point out the difference between 'post birth abortion' and 'palliative care for a baby', but then realized anyone willfully calling palliative care an abortion doesn't want to learn anything, ever.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@ask_aubry Yeah, my time spent in fast food and retail didn't make the cut on my resume either, mostly because they're not relevant to the job I have now.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@katefeetie Ah yes, if there's anything I want more from a stranger than to have them trauma dump their life philosophy onto me, I don't know what it is.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@JDas2k @Spac3Gh0s7_ Do you think the mail system is collecting duty?

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@ask_aubry When your partner is prioritizing their pleasure over your pain, it's long past time to get out.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

Cool - Now do this for vaccinations, and trans people.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@DirePompano One is a guy that looks like he's fucking the food, and I personally don't want to eat anything someone has dragged their balls across. The other is a cute guy with great glutes and a corgi, making cookies.

[EVIL UNO of DARK ORDER 🇨🇦 @EvilUno]

Justice for Evil Uno

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@RoyaltyCanadian Kardinal Offishall - The Anthem

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@Logically_JC yeah, but only after eating the toddler.

[malackey (working in my jammies) @malackey]

@ask_aubry "Make a list, because I cannot look around the house I live in, and see the laundry, or the dishes, or notice we need milk, or make dinner. Im-fucking-possible. Men just cannot notice these things."