Malavika Mudit

Writing about the liminal spaces between all the things we say and do.

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

I wrote a quick essay on mothering and making sense of this strange and wonder-filled experience!

It's been a minute but hey the miles are milestoning and the writing will get done when it has to.

Would appreciate a read if you happen to pass by! <3
https://t.co/VVn3YyvVrH

[River Kenna @the_wilderless]

Some people get stuck approaching life like a child, always looking for care from the cosmic parents

Some get stuck approaching life like a student, looking for approval & good grades from the cosmic teachers

Some get stuck approaching life like an employee, looking for duties and compensation from the cosmic boss

Some get stuck approaching life like a boss, trying to control and direct their cosmic employees/servants

Very few manage to approach life like an artist, sensing and cocreating with their cosmic collaborator, which is also their cosmic medium, which is also their own body and soul

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

I wrote a quick essay on mothering and making sense of this strange and wonder-filled experience!

It's been a minute but hey the miles are milestoning and the writing will get done when it has to.

Would appreciate a read if you happen to pass by! <3
https://t.co/VVn3YyvVrH

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

@p_millerd true till we became parents, now anyone's free to drop in whenever in whatever state of home or hosting we are in, and everything feels more less pressure and our hosting is also low key and easy but somehow all of it is more fun.

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

oh, and the learnings from finding myself collapsed in a 'level 1 awareness' - on myself, my exhaustion & sense of loss x figuring out what to do for baby.

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

big unlock!

power up speaking, @m_ashcroft's little add on module in his AT course, could *just as well* be power up parenting?

or, the one way to get out of the routine-more-of-the-same-rigmarole of caring for a bébé:

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

for another, be available to all possibilities.

inhibit the hijack of your awareness caused by the child's needs.

really helps me get out of the habitual mode of going through the motions. stopped the "do x, if y happens" and started trying new things on the fly.

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

@jonnym1ller absolutely

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

@jonnym1ller curious how you think of grief, sadness, despair - which I typically term "negative emotions". are they emotions that surface when the sensation was not perceived appropriately, or rather "in time", when they manifested in the body?

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

@khemaridh 9 🫣

[Angie Wang @angiewangcreate]

I long for different types of freedom at different stages of life.

When I was a single working professional, freedom meant taking a red-eye flight to Southeast Asia for a weekend of partying.

After getting married, freedom became the ability to travel alone, reminding myself that even in an intimate relationship, I am still an independent individual.

After having a daughter, my husband and I would take turns traveling.

When our daughter was still a tiny infant, we lived in Barcelona. I traveled alone to Valencia, thinking I would finally have some space to breathe and hang out with fellow backpackers as before. However, throughout the trip, I kept thinking, "I wish my daughter could see these sights too."

Now that my daughter is almost a year and a half old, she’s already a little person with her own personality. During my solo trip to the mountain towns of Mexico, on the first day, I felt some welcome relief from motherhood. On the second day, it was great to have a meal without distractions. But by the third day, I felt a sadness from the love and longing I had for my daughter.

I’ve come to understand that after becoming a mother, even when alone, there’s a constant sense of responsibility in my heart.

But I don’t resent this at all.

Maybe I’ll never again feel the same unhinged freedom of youth, but I’ve discovered a deeper love that one can have in life.

Now, what I yearn for is no longer the freedom of solo travel, but rather finding like-minded families to explore the world together, to explore non-traditional motherhood and fatherhood, and to define a new freedom that belongs to us all.

[Paul Millerd @p_millerd]

Does anyone in India potentially want 250 copies of my book that I might need someone to receive? You could do whatever you wanted with them.

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

Notes from a summer night

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

@_stevenfoster Such grace. l appreciate you and your generosity of spirit Steven 🌸

[Malavika Mudit @malavikamudit]

IFS is life changing, IFS can be game changing.

[Derek R. Haswell @DRHaswell]

First, what is Internal Family Systems? A quick primer.

IFS is a flavor of therapy developed by Richard ("Dick") Schwartz, a family therapist who built this methodology based on decades of clinical experience and a "do what works" approach.

There are three pillars to the IFS approach.

1) The first pillar is thinking of ourselves as a collection of many "parts," all of whom have good intentions. Colloquially, we'll say things like "there's a part of me that loves this, and a part of me that wants to run the other direction" -- IFS simply takes the stance that these are just two of a multitude of parts in our system, and that getting to know these parts (particularly: their highest intentions) is key for creating more harmony in your system. (Note: IFS is NOT the first type of therapy to do this; "parts work" has a rich and multi-cultural history.) One example of a very common part is the "inner critic" -- and when you build a relationship with this part and understand fully why + how it's trying to help, it's possible to receive its discerning wisdom without having to endure its barbs. This is a radical approach, and it has the potential to transform your inner critic into a useful and powerful ally.

2) The second pillar is that we *all* have access to what is called "Self" (with a capital "S") in IFS. Now IFS is secular in nature so you can think of this as "your true self" or "your higher self," but this concept runs through every major spiritual tradition (loving awareness, presence, Christ-consciousness, Atman, etc.). Self is different from any "part;" I like to think of it as an "ideal parent" in a room full of kids -- patient, curious, loving, wise with unlimited capacity to be with any/every part of your system, no matter how challenging it is. Self is also whole & complete, unblemished & unblemishable. These qualities make "Self" the natural leader and healing agent of your system. I've often heard it said that the meta-agenda of IFS is to bolster Self-leadership -- i.e. to help someone grow their capacity to lead their life from this higher consciousness. (We'll talk more about this later in the thread.) Leaders that do this are unmistakeable.

3) The third (and final) pillar is that we can work with our parts and Self as an interconnected system. So, in addition to getting to know each part, we can explore and work with the relationships between them -- some parts protect others and keep them safe, some are pitted against one another, some swoop in when other parts feel threatened, some carry hurt and are kept safe, etc. As you start to see your inner world through this lens, it becomes quickly apparent how much energy is being used up by these inter-part dynamics. As with your real-life relationships, these parts grow more creative and aligned as understanding & communication flow -- this begets internal harmony and more energy.

There is *so much more* to the methodology (e.g. useful categorizations for the different kinds of parts you're likely to encounter, which shape how you work with them), but this should give you a high-level sense for what IFS is all about if you haven't encountered it before.

Done well, IFS can help you dissolve inner tensions, turn towards recurring problems in your life, open up surprisingly large stores of energy and creativity, and feel... lighter. When you re-orient to the possibility that any twinge carries the possibility of a well-intentioned part, you start reflexively responding with compassion to your own and others' emotions. This is powerful stuff, and it usually doesn't take long to experience how life-changing it can be. 🔥

~~

"No Bad Parts" is the (perfect IMO) title of Dick Schwartz's book which covers all of this and then some. I highly recommend it if you're interested in learning more; the audiobook is especially good because it includes guided exercises that help you experience this stuff for yourself.

2/

[anita is in nyc @neats29]

I want to share something I've been doing that I finally feel ready to talk about.

A couple months ago, my partner and I decided to kickstart a conscious uncoupling process. It has been tough and beautiful and a huge learning experience.

I wanted to share about this for two reasons:

1. I feel that these processes are not commonly talked about so I'm hoping someone finds this helpful.
2. I want to celebrate myself because I'm proud of what we've done so far.

so we've been together for over a decade and above all we wanted to keep our friendship.

our goal was to untangle ourselves in the most loving and graceful way possible so that we could continue to stay in each other’s lives (whatever shape that takes) and to not repeat the same patterns in our future relationships.

the uncoupling process started off very tense and volatile, it was exhausting and confusing for the first few weeks. and there was so much anger. I had a lot of resentments. and did I say confusion? so much uncharted territory and lack of clarity.

before starting the process, I asked @FU_joehudson for relationship advice during the decision making course, and he gave me two pieces of advice (paraphrasing quite a bit):

1. to set the agreement that we are here for our own freedom.
2. to see through the resentments by seeing that they were ways I had abandoned myself.

at start of the uncoupling process we set the agreement (without any goals for where this will take us) that we are here for our own freedom, this became our north star and has helped us tremendously with knowing how to proceed at all the micro and macro crossroads. (Joe, I am deeply grateful for your insights)

most of my big resentments also dissolved thanks to that prompt.

I also feel a lot of gratitude for my friends for all the supportive chats we've had.

we’ve also been slowly working through the VIEW course. this has been surprisingly intense and uncomfortable at times, but also very rewarding at the same time.

and we’ve also been doing a little bit of IFIO (IFS couples therapy). in these sessions, you witness and are witnessed by the other person receiving IFS. what I didn't expect was just how deeply and utterly vulnerable this would be! my god.

you're exposing your deepest wounds in front of someone that parts of you believe has turned against you, but it’s also deeply healing at the same time.

I had one of the most cathartic cries of my life during one of these sessions, it was then that i understood the term gut wrenching, but it felt amazing.

between those sessions and solo coaching sessions, I've noticed something uniquely transformative about this process:

every trigger that’s been coming up is a trailhead leading directly to a childhood wound, it’s like a person in a high vis jacket waving a flag and pointing to a path that leads directly to an abandoned grief package*. of course it’s always been like this with any trigger, but somehow during this process the trailheads are more vivid and the packages more suppressed.

(*obviously the packages contain any emotion not just grief)

with the initial wave of resentments and tension diffused, the intensity has settled a little bit, but we're continuing the process. it's tough but surprisingly empowering!

happy to answer any questions, please be gentle, it's still a delicate topic for me.

[Paul Millerd @p_millerd]

seeing everything as "what emotion is being avoided in this situation?" has given me more compassion for everyone

[Anna Gát @TheAnnaGat]

You should age from rigid and certain into fluid and playful.

[Steven Foster @_stevenfoster]

Cut someone off from your life and you begin to cultivate a cemetery at the center of yourself.

Forgiveness frees you from the rotting corpses of those who wronged you. Reconciliation turns the darkest darkness into light.

Redemption is still the greatest story in every life.