Mallory Hulme

not a regular

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

@brookienels Back on Twitter to say hi I love him too can’t wait to meet him!!!!

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

@LTodd3000 You’re a good friend. Best of the best

[Jacob Curtis @j_swervis]

🚨🚨UNPOPULAR OPINION🚨🚨

Subway cookies are better than Chip

Thank you and goodnight.

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

My 10 year old brother left his iPad open and I see this conversation between him and his friend, Sara... the “you up?” messages are starting at a young age!! This is not a promising trajectory!! Send help!!

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

@thisisjglo Hahahah honestly I offer this type of stuff up before trying to just spell it normal. Why do I dig myself into a hole??

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Operator: "Can you please spell your name for me?"
Me: "Yes, its M, as in Mary
A, as in alpha,
L, as in..... leprochaun,
L, as in... *nervous laugh* leprochaun??
O, as in..... um.... octopus,
R as in.... RiP mE i NeEd a WoRd BaNk
Y as in why is this always so hard.

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Nothing makes me more emo than watching the 10 o’clock news

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Last update: My dad just looked at me, straight in the eye, and said that if I go into my room, get into my bed and say "oops I forgot you guys were in here" he would venmo me $100. If he makes it $500, I will do it no questions asked.

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

One of my dad’s missionaries and his wife came to visit us during their honeymoon... which has been a 3 week long road trip. They have not slept in a bed for 3👏🏼weeks👏🏼

PSA to my future husband: This will not fly with me. That is all.

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Update: they are sleeping in my bed tonight! *eye twitch*

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

@LTodd3000 Okay be there in a few hours

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Today, I'm grateful for friends who would threaten to run over my phone with their car if I ever gave into instagram's new question feature. Those are reals ones.

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Just wanna give a special thanks to @LTodd3000 for sending me great twitter content in the DMs and eliminating the need for me to scroll the feed

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

get yourself friends who will spend a fortune to send you your fav guilty pleasure from halfway around the world😭😭😭

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

@LTodd3000 Dane asked me why I smelled funny after we took this pic

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

@me circa winter formal 2k12 https://t.co/0Fmyd6kDlz

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Today I was reminded that 6 years ago, I thought bangs were a nice distraction from my braces, bodycon dresses were the sh*z and how my teal stilettos really complimented my bad spray tan. Facebook memories, why must you haunt me.

[Mallory Hulme @mallorymort]

Today a guy told me he could tell from my American accent that I was from California. I asked how he figured that out and he said “you sound like one of those valley girls!” #ok #rude

[Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad]

Noticing people are starting to use facebook stories. Please try your best to not do that