mallory osner

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

this aged well

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

i want a that 90’s show following the kids of the that 70’s show characters

[Kevin Riley @Kevin_Riley2023]

Finally, a championship. Here’s your historic front page. https://t.co/1vvUcjjBrY

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

million dollar idea: a voice activated oven where the timer shuts off when you say “i hear you”

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

i’m tired of wasting my lipgloss on this pandemic. will i need a mask? will i not? will people even recognize me with a mask on? nobody knows.

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

@Venmo @maryrnance

[Venmo @Venmo]

Spring break hits different this year, and we want to #VenmoItForward. RT this post and tag your BFF. We might send you both $500.

Must follow @Venmo. No purch nec. Ends 3/25/21. US only, 18+. Venmo account required. Rules: https://t.co/KUTu7IiQmh

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

adulting is me texting my mom that i cooked when really i just made mac and cheese on a stove instead of in the microwave

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

if i could only see one thing that no one else has seen it would be dolly parton without her wig on

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

@hallmarkchannel — my 70 year old grandma just told me your movies are getting too predictable. if you can’t fool your target audience, then you definitely aren’t fooling the rest of us.

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

“i am a grown up”

*puts capri-sun on a coaster*

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

new year but same me taking a 2 hour nap at 8pm for no reason

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

ngl tryin to dance to crank that soulja boy in the shower is really hard

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

i always get excited when i see that i have a snap memory and then it’s just a cute picture of my dog that i took at 1 am a year ago

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

the self-control it takes to not immediately spend all of my christmas money is absolutely astounding

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

i am so ready for the next roaring 20’s. i already got my hair cut short and a bunch of short dresses i haven’t been able to wear yet

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

ngl i was crying in the car listening to @carrieunderwood and her son singing little drummer boy for the first time

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

nothing makes your day like when your mom realizes that we don’t have food at home

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

update: add carrie underwood’s christmas special outfits to that list

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

hi. i would like to purchase every single outfit from kacey musgraves’ christmas show please.

[mallory osner @malloryosner]

why do they keep making these interior design games with levels you have to beat in order to design the house? can i not just design this fake house in peace considering i can’t even afford a $30 throw pillow in real life?