Mark Maloney

It was probably a fluke good one that got you here, but enjoy the rest. He/Him/Maloney!

[ABC News @ABC]

President Trump is floating the possibility of keeping the UFC arena on the White House South Lawn — built for a series of fights on his birthday and Flag Day — permanently.

Read more: https://t.co/PdI3ZarEYr

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@dervolkman @NoahProoval @RachelBitecofer I’d be intrigued enough to ask how it’s not a trolley equation you failed, but given you didn’t see it in the first place, who cares what answer your head could hold.

Goodbye internet stranger - may you think better!

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@dervolkman @NoahProoval @RachelBitecofer As compared to the 14,000 laid off.

That’s where you stepped in and asked about the skipper, the captain, the stewardess, the afthand…

That’s the joke you imbecile.

You came INTO THE CONVERSATION asking about the livelihoods of the yacht hands in the conversation about 14K.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@dervolkman @NoahProoval @RachelBitecofer Dude just picked the 12 person side vs 1,400 in the trolley equation and is telling someone else to use their “big brains” to explain how the 12 would be unharmed in their solution.

I love the twilight zone that is the internet.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@BENBALLER That $5 shake will get ya

[Boring_Business @BoringBiz_]

Coming to the realization that he was named Sleepy Joe because you could go to sleep at night without worrying about having to monitor the situation next day

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@TheTNHoller Dude misunderstood “being better than Dr Oz” as a national assignment toward good takes.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@TheJimCornette @JackPosobiec Still a personal online achievement.

I think it’s been since 2020 or so.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@JoeKassabian Most right-wing arguments for the last 20 years and counting.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@matt_vanswol All the people running are just out of frame.

[nathan fielder @nathanfielder]

Out on the town having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They're all just out of frame, laughing too.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@kenklippenstein @briantashman Got eeeeeeem.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

Broken clocks and all that.

[PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 @patriottakes]

Trump: “Smart people don’t like me”

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

“The buck stops here” > “I don’t know her”

[The Intellectualist @highbrow_nobrow]

REPORTER: You just announced a new nominee for US Surgeon General who never finished her residency, and is not a practicing physician. So can you explain why you picked her?

TRUMP: Bobby thought she was fantastic ... I don't know her. @atrupar

[Gurwinder @G_S_Bhogal]

Vivid illustration of audience capture.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

Owning my own mistakes:
I thought he hired her with her track record.
I should’ve seen the vanity in that she makes him look tall.

The alcoholic face in HD threw me in my defense.

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@OmniXela “Let’s grant all that…”

Followed by

“You SAYyyyyy”

Tell me you don’t know what words mean without telling me you don’t know what words mean

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

We’ve confirmed she’s aware of the existence of the Statue of Liberty

Whether she knows what it represents is still very much up for debate

[Ann Coulter @AnnCoulter]

I can't wait for the press to find out about France's so-called "gift" of the Statue of Liberty, accepted in 1886 by then-President Grover Cleveland.

[Hemant Mehta @hemantmehta]

The underlying principle of the Republican Party is “I don’t understand something so I want to destroy it.”

[Mark Maloney @maloney_mark]

@DzineThinker @LMillerInATL @Acyn So you’re saying people don’t always make rational decisions and we should have a safety net for someone like - oh, idk - a kid who doesn’t have the autonomy to make financial decisions but deserves to feel a sense of security regardless, yeah?

[Organizermemes @OrganizerMemes]

Democrats need to take a page from the Kendrick Lamar school of winning

1. Make clear your visible hatred for your opponent
2. Attack your enemy and their friends
3. Bring up the crimes again and again
4. Collab with talented allies
5. Keep coming out with hits