Amumu

unsolicited dark jokes

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

10 year-old self would have never imagined that I’d live to 30

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

That massive sense of relief you feel from being able to hear clearly again while recovering from a sinus infection

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

A former pastor coming out of the closet is a whole new level of big moves and I respect that.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

My most used emoji went from 😂 to 💕 to 💀 to 😭 in the span of 12 years. You get old and depressed if you’re not careful, I guess.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

“Picking up my mobile order, it’s for Amane, ay-em-ay-en-ee”
“Did you say it’s for Anna?”

No girl, there’s another syllable.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

So Trump took away TikTok just so that we can have it back and thank him?

[Aes🇺🇸 @AesPolitics1]

Joe Biden ended his presidency with:

2.9% inflation.

4.1% unemployment.

43k Dow Jones.

Manufacturing boom.

Gaza ceasefire.

Medicare D $2k prescription drug cap.

Infrastructure boom.

Fastest economic recovery.

Covid handled.

But go ahead, tell me he’s a bad president.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

“Hey guys, just letting y’all know that we are closed.”
“Do you not want our sale?”

Nah, you can get out. You were told we were closing soon when you walked in.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

Let me be depressed in peace, dammit.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

“You know Henry Ford, right?”
“Yeah”
“Ok what’s he known for?”
“Han Solo?”

No, that’s Harrison Ford…

[Yasmine Khosrowshahi @yasminekho]

I distilled my 4 years of marketing lessons into minimalistic visuals.

1. Sell Benefits. Not features.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

Bonus: when grandmas say I’m pretty “aw, thank you! It’s really just a whole bunch of makeup though🥰”

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

When guys say I’m pretty “thanks 😶”

When girls and non-binaries say I’m pretty “OMG THANK YOU!! 🥰🥰 YOU’RE SO PRETTY/HANDSOME, TOO! CAN WE BE FRIENDS?!?!😍💕”

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

One thing I regret about working somewhere super close to home is that random customers will tell me about how they saw me at a park.
Tf am I supposed to say, congratulations??

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

Some random old man took a picture of me

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

I’m going to get shot behind my back tomorrow morning and I’m nervously doing my last round of chores.

Shot, as in to improve my back.

Nervous, because I have to be at the clinic at 7 in the morning.

This is my last round of chores, hopefully, that I do in pain.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

I’m a “functioning depressed” person during my lows. I can do my bare minimum, like tasks assigned to me. I also have an unbreakable mask that fools anyone around me, even myself. And what’s sad is I can’t even exactly explain why I’m depressed.

[Amumu @mamegon_us]

What’s better than having a cat sleeping on you?
Having TWO cats sleeping on you!

What’s better than two cats sleeping on you?
Having THREE cats sleeping on you!

And husband is sad because there are no cats on him.