sam marshall

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Telling copilot please like it’s not consuming enough water to feed a village in a third world country

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Red-winged blackbird. This ornithology shit is easy

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Noticing a potential correlation between face tattoos and roast beef consumption

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

People going 25mph with their hazards lights on in the left lane of the highway because of a little sleet. Paul Walker did not die for this shit!

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Bald barbers. I’ll say it. Hypocrites

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Jersey Mike’s sub in my carry-on so wet it might get confiscated by airport security for exceeding the liquid rules

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Instagram suggested reels is literally just rotisserie chicken reviews rn and I couldn’t be more delighted

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Finished up a round of golf with a dude that introduced himself as Uncle Norm. Like why man

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Collecting prescriptions for weight-loss drugs like the infinity stones.

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

You drink Yuengling because it’s trendy. I drink Yuengling because it’s been in my grandma’s fridge since 2008. We are not the same

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Never bet against Matthew McConaughey

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

In the market for a PT Cruiser.

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

In Connecticut driving erratically with a Nissan Rogue. Call that cultural appropriation

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Why the fuck am I getting Temu ads for construction equipment

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

@JonRahmOfficial you look like an angry bird.

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Overheard someone say egg salad is “totally in” right now. Is that true? Not sure what to make of this

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

I’d like to issue an apology to Xander Schauffele. I was wrong about you. Your golf attire is still mid though

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Xander Schauffele has zero drip. Wears the same tan polo with a zipper every tournament. He wont win today

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Grown ass men walking around carrying lunch boxes. Despicable

[sam marshall @mamsarshall7]

Who thought it would be a good idea to put Subways in Walmarts?