Ciaphas Cain

Parody account. Commentary account.
Yes hello. I am doing needful.
Please be patient I have autism.
More Brythonic than Anglo.

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

Hello, yes saars. I am tip top jolly good parody and commentary account. Please be not suspending. I am doing the needful and not undermining X values.

[WYRDO 🇸🇱 @Anglokinist]

Had Nowak survived his life would be in ruins. Saddled with a caution if he's lucky, his degree in tatters, barred from an American ESTA (they like their foreign criminals duskier), suffering in silence as his case would be unknown. Just like all the others.

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

Fuck off you toffee nosed cunt

[Laurence Fox @LozzaFox]

I will never be an ethno-nationalist.

I will never support the death penalty.

I am often very sympathetic to those who support both of the above,

But, there’s no manual to follow.

Human beings aren’t ikea furniture.

It’s ok to agree with some bits and not others.

The truth is often found in the place you weren’t looking for it.

[Nicola Jane Swinney @NicolaJSwinney]

The woman who scanned my items at the supermarket was rude, unhelpful, scruffy and smelled like she’d been drinking.

That’s the last time I use the self checkout.

[Sapporo 🇬🇧 🐘🌲 @landofangle]

"Chips."
"You see what's fascinating about chips is that good ones are impossible to make at home but they're never viewed as a luxury item in a restaurant."
"And graveh."

[𝕮𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖉𝖆 @CeaddaOfMercia]

The given answer will be "colonialism" despite the British Empire giving India industrial infrastructure, and China an apocalyptic crack epidemic

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

I've been to three continents before I was 18 but it just made me more racist. Maybe I missed out on the other two.

[María A. @zarandillo]

"If I were the minister of culture for the world, I would make every student wiser by requiring them to travel to five continents before the age of 18."

Marjane Satrapi.

[Synthetic Anima @SyntheticAnima]

>travel to 5 cities in 5 continents
>Globalization renders them all into identical places where you don't even need to speak the native language
>loose all your money to tourist traps and learn nothing

[Mister P @andypren]

I don't know who this bloke is, but he looks like he's stepped straight out of a different era.

The suit. The tie. The moustache. The confidence.

A proper throwback to an England that valued character, individuality and a bit of class.

[Bobby @RealBlackIrish]

This is his answer to everything, lol

[Bovril-Gesellschaft @BovrilG]

Starmer writing to Burnham that if he keeps sending assassins to London to try and kill him, then he’ll send one to Manchester in return and he WON’T have to send another.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

For years, the Irish Police (the Garda Siochana) considered Prawo Jazdy as one of the most prolific offenders in the country with more than 50+ traffic related offenses. The case was later dropped when it was established that Prawo Jazdy meant Driver's License in Polish.

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

@Haroon43456515 @lancsdefender

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

Thought yous were colonised?

[Paul Kelly @arabshedboy]

Most of these were developed by Scots. But yeah, crack on and use ‘Britain’ when it suits you.

[Kellie-Jay Keen @ThePosieParker]

Get Islam out of our police force. We should not have a national association of Muslim police.

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

Cool story bro

[🪄PICTUREPLANE🌙 @pictureplane]

Anyone who was listening to “stomp clap” music like the Lumineers, Edward Sharpe or Mumford and Sons in the 2010’s was someone who had bad taste in music. Those bands were boring, and not relevant at all to what was actually going on at that time. I’m not hating it’s just facts.

[Graham Linehan @Glinner]

And you will be sued. And women will win.

[Slackkejakke @slackkejakke]

The correct course of action is to use British Isles in the context of Great Britain and surrounding islands only, but not tell anyone this to cause maximum confusion and see who gets wound up enough to fly off in a rage at the mere sight of the words.

[Scots For Restore @RestoreScots]

@RupertLowe10 They can't gaslight us anymore - it's over

[Strix @strixperegrinus]

"So what qualifies you for a career in diplomacy?"

"My mother and wife argue a lot"

[Ciaphas Cain @MantReturns]

@realhansard Somewhere called the giggling squid is probably going to be expensive imo