Man with two bags

Travelling to the future at 1 second per second. Me 1 Cancer 0 so far.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

Sometimes doing a leaky emergency ostomy bag change is like having a genie in a bottle, except the bottle is made of shit, the bottle is full of shit, and the genie is actually made of shit and he can only offer one wish and will grant it if you want to be covered in shit.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@suzi1dore An idiot I worked with once he found out I had 2 stomas started telling me stories of his friend (who had no name) whose bag would spontaneously explode on the bus showering everybody including the driver.
I was jealous I could only spray 2 rows of seats with mine.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@EndWokeness And if they don’t you are stuck with the architect of your destruction for at least another 4 years.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@Alphafox78 My wife suggested I could pile my stuff up in the back garden and tie a tarpaulin over it to stop it getting wet.

On the other hand she wants me to buy even more furniture to store her stuff.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

Moving date to Wales is finally decided.the clock is now officially ticking.

Boxing up 27 years of stuff not so good.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

Nope still no superpowers only a painful rash.

Not fair.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

I seem to have been bitten by a spider while I slept. It’s quite painful.

But what’s worse is it didn’t seem to be radioactive and so far I haven’t developed any superpowers. If I don’t I am going to be so disappointed.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@claire_taylor22 I don’t, I guess the thing I miss most is getting ready quickly in the morning as I can’t shower and go anymore as it takes 10-15 minutes to sort out fresh bags. But a night bag does mean I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night. Swings and roundabouts 😁

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

It’s been 1568 days since I had an actual wee

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@parcelforce how do I get my parcel re delivered. Tried the website, tried phoning but you seem now to just pretend the parcel doesn’t exist. Awful customer service.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

Lately I seem to be getting more and more boring every day.

But I will not go quietly into that night……

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@EssexPR @EdPond4EF So was he a massive racist, hitler fanatic, holocaust denier or just a sex pest?

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@campbellclaret @michaelgove So Gove has finally admitted the 350m was a lie. He should be in prison.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@archer_rs A photo of a massive tool.

And a wrench.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

Drive to wales take 2.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@Smudge92084582 Wet, smelly but nothing a shower and a bag change couldn’t fix eventually.

Going to try again today.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

Today was the first time in 4 years since my urostomy a leak has actually stopped me doing something. Driving to Wales, got to Reading and I was soaked, always carry spare clothes, bags etc but this was too big to change as needed a shower too.

Turned round and drove home. ☹️

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@genius79529452 I just rarely seem to get the time these days. The election results weren’t exactly surprising 😁 but with all the people moving out of London now or claiming a trump style stolen election it looks like at least the tubes will be emptier when they move. How are you?

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@MelJStride to get the lowest level of pip I had survive cancer and have a big chunk of bowel, my bladder and a few other bits and pieces removed and I still had to jump through hoops to get £250 pounds a month.

I am living the dream.

You are an absolute fuckwit.

[Man with two bags @manwithabag]

@72_rededge Ooops. Somebody didn’t do last nights sacrifices. Better do double tonight.